He's BA-AAAAACK

And because you were wondering, the answer is YES! Yes to the fact that Fisch has returned to the blogosphere. Yes to the fact that Jimmy Rollins has been recalled of the DL. Yes to the fact that the NL East crown is the Phillies’ again. Yes to the fact that Michael Vick again has a starting job in the NFL. And of course I say YES! to the fact that Donovan McNabb is returning to Philadelphia this Sunday. The time is now for Philadelphia sports. The Phils are most likely heading into the playoffs as the best team in National League and the Eagles are fiercely pushing forward behind the acrobatics of Michael Vick. But lets forget about the Phightins for one second (Stay tuned for this weekend) and focus on a new era in Eagles history: Michael Vick-Showtime.

Yes you heard it correctly: Showtime. And nothing short of Showtime. The dude simply dominates on the gridiron. With a 6:0 touchdowns to interception ratio and a 110.2 passer rating, number 7 is suddenly the Eminem of the NFL. The bad boy who seemingly lost his way is now back with a vengeance while seeing his game soar to knew heights. But even though the electrifying quarterback looks like a sure lock for the Pro-Bowl this year, there are still a lot of questions surrounding the newest quarterback controversy in the NFL. Starting Vick is the perfect solution for the birds’ today, but not everything may be perfect by seasons end. This leads me to think of only three possible scenarios that can come out of this situation:

Vick’s Starting Job Wet Dream Scenario

So far this season, Michael Vick’s passer rating ranks only behind Peyton Manning, 4^th overall in touchdown passes, and has still yet to throw an interception. This Sunday, Vick will lead his squad to battle against the man he replaced was supposed to replace, none other than Donovan McNabb. Imagine. It’s the biggest game of Vick’s career and he flat out performs. He does so to the tune of 300 passing yards, two TD passes, 50 yards on the ground, and of course a victory. This performance defines his season. Vick then goes on to a 4,000 yard passing season, 34 TD passes, 500 yards rushing and 7 rushing TD as well. After being named to the Pro-Bowl and proving all the haters wrong, the reborn QB leads his team to a division title.

Once the playoffs come around, Vick pushes his squad to the NFC Championship game, an extremely familiar place to Philly fans. And even though he would ultimately lose the contest, another familiar place for Philly fans, the season would not go wasted. He would bring back the faith amongst the Eagles fan base. He would spark a new energy within the Eagles locker room. He would bring the Eagles back to the top of the NFL. But that’s not all he’d do.

After seeing the inspirational run this dedicated and determined man started with his teammates, Jeffrey Lurie and the Eagles front office would be determined to improve the team that next offseason. Strong additions of a veteran cornerback opposite Asante Samuel, and a more reliable center than Jamaal Jackson would join Vick in a new Eagles locker room filled with a new positive and excited energy. This is the team that would ultimately bring that long awaited Super Bowl Championship to the city of Philadelphia. And it would all start with a man who everyone had once written off from football, from society and from humanity.

Vick’s Starting Job Realistic Scenario

So far this season, Michael Vick is 2-0 as a starter. Putting up all of his aforementioned stats and possessing a true leadership role in the Eagles locker room. After an epic and flat out demolishing of the pitiful Washington Redskins, Vick and company re-enter their locker room at the Linc feeling confident as ever about their chances to win the NFC East Division title this season. They eventually do, and earn the right to home field in the first round of the playoffs against their division rival and Wild-Card winner, the Dallas Cowboys. As unfortunate as Baxter being punted off a bridge, the birds are sadly defeated by the Cowboys for the second season in a row. After the game and the entire NFL postseason over, the Eagles front office sits down to discuss the future of the franchise.

It’s time for them to realize one thing: Michael Vick deserves a FAT paycheck. Unfortunately, The birds have already invested a lot in Kevin Kolb as well, and Vick suddenly has tremendous value around the league. After a pro-bowl caliber season, Vick could most likely be traded in exchange for a first and second round draft pick, and maybe even a player in return. This is when Andy Reid’s always gaping and drooling mouth turns into a slight smile. He then chuckles to himself and begins to develop and evil look in his eyes. Reid, slamming his fist on the table, shoots out of his comfy conference room chair and roars with an extreme amount of pride, “Kolb is our guy”. Suddenly, the Eagles coach begins daydreaming about Kolb returning to the team the next season, with fire in his belly and a vengeance to prove to everyone that he was in fact worth the risk to trade Donovan McNabb two seasons prior.

Kolb is then awarded the starting job and leads the Eagles to 4 postseason appearances over the next 7 seasons. The quarterback never reaches the Super Bowl and makes one Pro-Bowl appearance. He has an average career. This all occurs as Michael Vick is traded to the San Francisco 49ers to replace Alex Smith. Vick is the quarterback who would finally bring the 49ers to the playoffs post-Jerry Rice and Steve Young era. Vick would win one Super Bowl with the team.

Vick’s Starting Job Wrist-Slitting Scenario

Michael Vick faces his biggest test of the season when the Washington Redskins come to town in Week 4. The game is surrounded by incredulous amounts of media attention, player hype, and personal goals that Vick himself has made. Fortunately for the reborn superstar, he leads his team to a victory over the hated skins and there suddenly washed-up quarterback, Donovan McNabb. The national media, the city of Philadelphia and most importantly, all of the Eagles organization now definitely has 100% confidence in Vick as the team’s franchise quarterback and face of the team. However, the birds’ schedule gets harder. With tough games against Atlanta Falcons, Tennessee Titans and Indianapolis Colts all in a row, Vick struggles, the locker room begins to fall apart, the entire organization loses confidence in him as the starter, and Kevin Kolb even starts the 4^th quarter against the Colts. All throughout the next week, ESPN reports that Andy Reid is seriously considering starting Kolb over Vick once again. He doesn’t, but the speculation throws Vick off his game even more, thus almost begging Reid to make a change at quarterback.

Kolb then returns to lead the team to a 4-4 record for the rest of the season and leaves the team in the middle of the NFC East standings with an overall record of 8-8. Nothing compared to what fans were expecting after Vick’s first three weeks of starting play. They were expecting playoffs, possibly an NFC Championship Game appearance. But, a Cinderella feel-good story only happens in Philadelphia when it comes to the Phillies. The Eagles are suddenly left clueless about what to do with two overrated or untalented quarterbacks on their roster and no teams around the league are calling with trade offers. This is the point when Andy Reid first realizes his mistake in trading McNabb.

Of course, the last scenario will definitely not happen. I firmly believe that in no point during the rest of Andy Reid’s coaching career, and maybe even his entire life, will he ever, ever, EVER regret trading Donovan McNabb. He was, and still is, injury prone, lacks sufficient on-field leadership, and suffers from seriously inconsistent play and accuracy. My buddy Andrew describes any mix-up between a quarterback and wide receiver that results in a short throw a “McNabb fireball”. (He actually slips in an explicative as well, but the committee of one on this editorial board really tries to keep this blog PG-13). But this isn’t about McNabb; it’s about Michael Vick.

Now, I’ve provided you with three possible scenarios that can come out of Vick’s starting gig in Green and White this season. And I honestly believe that reality will fall somewhere between the Wet Dream and Realistic scenarios. It is extremely difficult to say that, with this shaky of an offensive line, the Eagles can effectively run the ball and provide Vick with enough time to pass on 80% of downs in the playoffs. Great teams are able to run the ball in the postseason, and I would feel extremely sorry for Shady McCoy if I had to watch him get pummeled by NFC defenses these playoffs. That being said, this team is honestly a Center and second Cornerback away from contending for a Super Bowl Championship with Michael Vick in control. This team’s offense is as electrifying as Kim Kardashian in a bikini and seeing Khloe and Lamar Odom’s marriage last longer than a year. While praying, seriously praying, that the Eagles’ front office will make some legitimate offseason moves during this upcoming spring and summer, anticipate great things from the team in the seasons to come. This year is only an amazing building block for future dominance.

No Bummer Summer

As the NBA Draft rapidly approaches, all NBA fans are hearing about is LeBron this and LeBron that. Honestly, unless a blockbuster draft-day trade occurs or a sign-and-trade deal is verbally agreed on by the end of the month, I don’t care about LeBron until July 1^st; the day this hot commodity opens up on the market. The “Courting of the King” can really draw comparisons to the Jersey Shore craze of this past fall and even the hype Barak Obama received during his early campaigning for office. And if one can compare LeBron to the likes of “The Situation”, the lucky city that wins the King James Lottery will truly be given a direct gift from the basketball gods. But forget about LeBron for about 8-10 minutes. Because the NBA Draft thankfully has nothing to do with James (Well actually, it could. You never know). In fact, as the Washington Wizards imminent selection of John Wall is as highly expected as Michael Scott having thousands of friends on facebook, the basketball society has now turned its collective head towards the 76ers.

The owners of the number two overall pick can take pretty much anyone they want who’s entered in the draft. But sorry guys, the franchise cannot take Jackie Moon from Flint, Michigan with their pick. Now that experts are beginning to speculate a possible selection of Georgia Tech’s Derrick Favors, I think it’s time for someone to clearly explain to fans what the hell is going on in the 76ers delusional front office. The 76ers have yet to go through a successful trade deadline or offseason during Ed Stefanksi’s reign as GM, and it’s about time they had one. This summer is crucial for a team that has playoff hopes for next season, and we cannot afford to go through another disappointing summer. Without further ado, I present to you the first-ever 76er’s offseason To-Do List that will most likely result in a positive impact for today, tomorrow and the years to come:

1. Trade Two of the Following Players: Andre Iguodala, Elton Brand and Sammy Dalembert.

In all truthfulness, when I first came up with the idea for the “To-Do List”, I came up with this number one task 48 hours before the 76ers actually and FINALLY dealt Dalembert and his absolutely horrifying and nauseating contract. Too bad the Sacramento Kings weren’t looking to buy him last season (They only wanted him now because his repulsive contract expires after this season). So when I got my ESPNews update text message about the trade, my reaction process began not with me jubilantly jumping up and down, but me sulking in a corner because I couldn’t publicly predict he would be traded. Thus, I had to still include his name in the above task, in order to prove my sheer sports genius.

Anyway, the 76ers could do without all three of the above players in my opinion. For starters, a few years back, Sammy was one of the top-three highest paid centers in the League (only behind Shaq and Yao Ming). At his best during the 2007-2008, the 6’11 Haitian posted 10 points, 10 boards, and 2 blocks a game. Although that’s a pretty damn good stat line, Dalembert always seemed to lack the ability to rise to the occasion and have an “EFF YOU” moment against an opposing big man. Unfortunately and contrarily, Over his eight-year career, each season, month, and even game has provided me with multiple “You Stink Sammy!” moments. I remember the worst-ever YSS moment I’ve ever had came at home, against the Miami Heat during the 2005-2006 season, when Shaq rolled into town alongside Dwayne Wade. The team was on their way to the franchise’s first ever NBA championship, and the big guy was ready to eat “Slammin’ Sammy D”. O’Neal received a lob pass on the baseline, used his monstrous arm to clear out space, took one dribble, and stuffed the ball through the rim and into Dalembert’s forehead. That defensive lapse wasn’t all Sammy’s fault, and that was always his supporters’ excuse: It’s not Sammy’s fault. But whether he rightfully deserved the blame or not, Dalembert never exactly competed against the centers who made as much money (and sadly even the ones who didn’t make half as much) as him. The center was an offensive liability (only scoring consistently on ally-oops and driving dump-off passes), never wowed anyone from the line (career 69% shooter from the charity stripe), and was never shy to foul out of game and get caught goaltending. But with all the negatives that came with Dalembert, I could never hate him as much as I hate Andre Iguodala.

Now, you will only be saved a few more seconds to see how I truthfully hate Iguodala (See the #2 task on the TDL), but ever since the dreadful “Stefanski” summer, where the very man who the offseason is named after inked the two-worst-contracts-Philadelphia-sports-history, I’ve also dislike Elton Brand. At first, the guy who dramatically lied to his “best friend”, Baron Davis, and the team that he had known and loved, seemed very intriguing. Then, one injury into his time here in Philly, I was a little disappointed with his lack of rebounding and post defense. Now, two injuries and two disappointing seasons into it, I’m frankly pissed off. When healthy, Brand has the ability to be a 20 and 10 threat every night, and one of the top post players in the League. However as previously mentioned, Brand hasn’t been healthy, and he hasn’t posted numbers even close to what he’s capable of. Over the past 2 seasons, the Sixers have paid the former All-Star $15 million for 13 points and a little more than 7 rebounds a game: that’s not gonna cut it. If the club decided to part ways with the veteran right now, I wouldn’t be pleased, I would be elated.

The 76ers have some great young pieces in place with Jrue Holliday, Thaddeus Young, Spencer Hawes and maybe even Marreese Speights. And, veterans Jason Kapono and newly acquired Andres Nocioni are great bench and role players. The front office needs to look at and reevaluate their “star” players now. Iguodala and Brand are owed a combined $27 million dollars next season. Will either player make an All-Star team in the next two years? Probably not. Will either player lead any NBA team deep into the playoffs ever during the rest of their career? Definitely not. The only reason being this: neither player can ever be the best player on a championship-caliber team. The sooner Ed Stefanski and his band of dimwitted idiots realize that, the sooner the team will have a chance to get out of the first round of the playoffs (something they haven’t done since 2003).

2. Draft Evan Turner and NOBODY Else.

As you all hopefully know by now, I absolutely love creating, forming, and sharing conspiracy theories. This is why I love Evan Turner. While I do love Turner for his tantalizing ability to score and lead his troops to battle, I really love him for his imminent ability to challenge Andre Iguodala’s big-shot taking ability, leadership and flat-out basketball talent all without saying anything and letting his game speak for itself (something Iguodala has no idea exists). If you skipped the first task on the TDL because it was self-explanatory (of course I didn’t fail to mention Andre Iguodala’s, Elton Brand’s and Sammy Dalembert’s lack of ability to give Philly fans and ownership their money’s worth) I REALLY want the team to deal Iguodala. They should have done it when they had a chance to this past trade deadline. Obviously the front office finally realized Dalembert’s flaws, and it seems as if Doug Collins (who is suddenly as in love with Derrick Favors as Ron Burgundy is with Veronica Corningstone) has now realized that Elton Brand isn’t as he was advertised during the Stefanski summer. I promise you right now, drafting Evan Turner will reveal to the entire world the many weaknesses of Andre Iguodala.

So If I was on my hands and knees praying for the Phillies to keep Jayson Werth after this season, I don’t know how one can describe my wanting for the 76ers to take Evan Turner at Number 2. Think of this potential opening-night starting lineup for the Philadelphia 76ers in 2011: PG Jrue Holiday, SG (Rookie of the Year) Evan Turner, SF Thaddeus Young, PF Marreese Speights/Jason Smith, and C Spencer Hawes. That’s a quality young and gritty team. Now doesn’t that lineup look a lot nicer than this: PG Holiday, SG Andre Iguodala, SF, Thaddeus Young, PF Elton Brand, C Spencer Hawes? I don’t know about you, but I might have nightmares every night if the 76ers are still stuck with Brand and Iguodala for the next two years. But, I will be having fantasies if Evan turner is putting up Rookie-of-the-year-like numbers and in the running for the All-Star team in only his second year.

The point is, unlike Iguodala, Evan Turner has the ability to be the best player on any NBA Team that doesn’t have a player named Kobe Bryant, LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, or Carmelo Anthony. Turner may even have the ability to be a league MVP one day as well. NBA Draft experts are saying that it would make more sense chemistry-wise for the team to take Favors with their pick because of a possible issue between Turner and Iguodala. If you can’t tell by now, that’s exactly what I want to happen. I want Evan Turner to push all of Iguodala’s buttons. I want Evan Turner to flat out irritate Iguodala. I want Evan Turner to force Iguodala to demand a trade. I want Iguodala out of Philly, and Evan Turner is missing piece to the puzzle.

3. DO NOT Resign Allen Iverson

During this past decade, there were thousands of kids who grew up wanting to be the next Allen Iverson. I remember one of my best friends, Marc, freak out like a 10-year-old girl who just met the Jonas Brothers when he saw my dad bought me the new Reebok AI shoes in back during our days in Second Grade. I remember all of the hype when he led the team to the 2001 NBA Finals and the craziness that followed his “EFF YOU” step over Tyronn Lue in Game 1 of that series. I remember his return to Philly as a member of the Denver Nuggets and the five-minute-long standing ovation he received after being introduced in their starting lineup. I remember all the good times Iverson has brought to Philly and those are the only memories I want to have of him.

I was never AI’s biggest fan back in his glory days. In fact, I constantly hated on him for being a ball-hog and selfish. But, when anyone discussed anything about the 10-time All-Star, I always seemed to defend him. Like all of those thousands of kids who wanted to be the next AI, I felt a sense of attachment to the guy. I felt like he was MY player on MY team. And that’s probably why I don’t want to see a depleted version of this once-amazing player be crossed-up night in and night out by opposing young point guards (see Stuckey, Rodney 12/9/09). During this past season, it definitely seemed as if the less effective Iverson was, the less interested the entire team was in winning. And at the culmination of what seemed to be the end of his storied career, the entire team disappeared after Iverson left the team for gambling and other personal issues.

AI has always been the heart and soul of this team. As a leader and competitor, you don’t find many better than Iverson, and his passion for the game will never be questioned. However, the newly 35-year-old is still looking for a starting gig and 10-20 shots a night. At this stage in his career, Iverson should be looking to settle into a nice bench player’s role on a Championship-caliber team, with 15 minutes, 6-10 shots, and a few assists a game. Resigning AI will not dramatically increase attendance (as last year proved) and it will also be counterproductive with the “youth movement” the 76ers have with Holiday, Hawes, Young, as well as Smith, Speights and Lou Williams. It is sadly time to move on from the AI era in Philadelphia (Unless he wants to join his buddy Aaron McKie on the bench in the coach’s section). I’ll miss Iverson, but his time is up, and everyone needs to realize it.

First Task Left Off TDL: Make LOUU Williams Accept His Bench Role

Honorable Mention Tasks: Package Louuu In A Deal With Iguodala or Brand, Do Whatever is Necessary To Lower The Salary Cap, Keep all Big Men Healthy.

Ridiculous Task That Couldn’t Be Written Without Making Someone Angry: Keep A List of Available GM’s Close and a Phone Closer

Yes, I don’t like Ed Stefanski. But he has made two good moves during his tenure as General Manager. The first came with his selection of Jrue Holiday in last year’s draft with the 17^th Overall Pick, and trading Sammy D. Both moves cannot redeem him for the two-worst-contracts-in-Philadelphia-sports-history, but it’s a start. Hopefully, Stefanski will continue his streak of smart and sensible decisions by taking Turner at Number 2. The only possible way I could ever forgive him for not taking Turner, would be if the 76ers dealt the pick for a nice young player and stayed in the top-5 picks. A trade consisting of oh, I don’t know, Minnesota’s Kevin Love and the Number 4 Overall Pick in exchange for Number 2. With that, the Sixers cannot pass Number 4 without taking either Favors or Wesley Johnson. However, Wesley Johnson’s game is an awful lot like Thaddeus Young’s and that’s a lot of money to pay an unproven rookie to come off the bench. If Favors isn’t there, I would honestly like to see the team take a chance on DeMarcus Cousins. That is very highly unlikely, but hey, I will take a frontcourt of Cousins-Hawes for 10 years. The 76ers pick will definitely set the tone for the rest of the draft and John Wall’s fate is really the only thing predetermined for the lottery. The 76ers have a chance to dramatically change their franchise and push them forward on a positive note. With tomorrow’s draft comes a lot of possibilities, let’s just hope the realities play out in our favor.

What Would Jimmy Do?

I’m lost for words. And I’ve been lost for words for the past two weeks. And, it’s the reason why I haven’t written for a while that is so depressing. The saddest thing about my writer’s block is that I could easily write a short piece about the upcoming NBA Draft and the 76er’s complete offseason to-do-list, yet at the same time can barely but a pen to paper (or my fingers to a keyboard) about the absolute collapse of the Philadelphia Phillies over the past 6 weeks. In recent years, I’ve loved every second of the New York Mets’ infamous collapses and took as many opportunities as possible to mess with Mets fans about them. Now it’s only June and I feel a giant knot in my stomach as if the team has already missed the playoffs, and I am starting to wonder if this is how Mets fans have felt in the past.

At a time like this, one might feel immense depression, seek the need to curl up into a little ball in the corner of his or her room, and stare at an animal cracker for hours on end. But, the sensible thing to do in a situation such as this is to not sulk and feel sorry for ourselves, but to try to think of reasons for a group of guys’ awful excuse for a baseball team. This doesn’t mean play the blame game either. From Jayson Werth, to Charlie Manuel, to Chase Utley, to the creepy old cat lady down the street, everyone deserves his or her own share of the blame.

If you don’t follow and watch the team religiously, trying to make sense out of all this is absolutely ludicrous. And honestly, I have recently found viewing a Philadelphia Phillies baseball game as painful as a root canal or wearing the clothes my grandma got me for my birthday out in public. But when I do tune into a game, one thought constantly runs through my mind: “WWJD?”. No, I do not think, “what would Jesus do?” (I’m Jewish) even if Jesus was a Jew, but “what would Jimmy do?” Yes, the seemed-to-be forgotten Jimmy Rollins, did once start at shortstop for the Phils way back in April of 2010, ladies and gentleman. J-Roll is currently on his second trip to the DL and his pulled hamstring has limited him to only 41 at bats thus far this year. Why does the absence of a leadoff hitter affect the entire lineup you may ask? Because this leadoff hitter does so much more for this team than just get on base.

Rollins’ ability to get on base and hit for a high average cannot be questioned. But once he gets on base is where and when; the magic really happens. Jimmy’s speed and base running smarts allow him to collaborate with Davy Lopes and snag bag after bag and provides the power hitters behind him with many RBI opportunities as well. Number eleven’s trickery on the base paths can at times be compared to none other than John Tucker’s ability to play girls. The little shortstop (Rollins can’t be taller much taller than the Boston Celtics’ Nate Robinson) also aids the Phillies lineups with some pop as well. When on his game, Jimmy easily can have a 20-20 season (20 HR’s and 20 SB’s) and bat over .300. Having such a great mix of power and speed is so deadly to opponents and so crucial to his own team, and it has clearly been missed.

Rollins has always led by example, and maybe that’s what this team is missing: a leader. Someone to turn to when the going gets tough, someone to look towards for inspiration in a time of need and slump: a leader. The Phillies have appeared in back-to-back World Series. It pains me to say so, but maybe they won’t be able to make it a three-peat without Rollins in full swing. But at least I’m able to say and write something.

Lost Never Ends

With the recent conclusion of ABC’s Lost phenomena, the show’s followers and congregants have been struggling to collaborate on how they can all possibly live without the show on air. Cries of help have shrieked across the night sky all across the country, and even the world. But, nobody can figure out what to do now that Lost is over.

Well, I have some good news and bad news for Lost viewers. I’ll start with the good in order to build-up intense anxiety and to also keep the mood light… for now. Lost isn’t over. In fact, it’s just beginning. The Philadelphia Phillies’ version of Lost began last week, when Charlie Manuel persisted on stranding Roy Halladay on his own private island against the Pittsburgh Pirates on May 18th, ultimately forcing the ace to throw 132 pitches in 9 innings (The perfect game against the Fish had absolutely 100% nothing to do with Manuel at all). Next, the position players decided to lose their formerly HUGE bats (that were once full of power, doubles, runs, and even a high average) in Fenway Park's away-team clubhouse, after game 1 of that series. To go an entire series against the New York Mets and their previously last-place-in-the-NL-East record is simply ridiculous and unacceptable from a team that is supposed to easily dominate their division. Before the recent 4-11 slump, the Phils were 10-2 and dominating with pitching and run support. What the hell happened?

If it wasn’t for Halladay’s perfecto, I honestly might have committed baseball suicide after the team’s embarrassing 9-3 loss in their season finale in Atlanta. For those of you who are wondering, baseball suicide consists of super-gluing a Yankees hat onto your head and a Mets jersey onto your chest, then duck taping yourself to a chair (which coincidentally is stationed in front of a TV playing the worst moments in Phillies history on a loop). It is very similar to the stunt Jimmy Fallon pulls in Fever Pitch. A sweep at the hands of the Braves and a total of 7 runs was nothing compared to not scoring a run at Shea Stadium, but something worse occurred down in Georgia. The three losses to the Braves officially lost the suddenly clueless Charlie Manuel, and his club, the NL East lead, and now find themselves looking up at the Braves to the tune of 2.5 games. I repeat: What the hell happened? There’s no coincidence that the Doc’s first-ever slump as a Phillie came during this hapless streak of games. The ace of the staff had been constantly overworked in order to save the bullpen for Halladay’s lesser teammates’ starts, and it definitely messed with his rhythm and swagger out on the mound. Halladay has thrown 110+ pitches in 7 of his 12 starts this season and has pitched 5 complete games through the first two months of the season alone. I know the man is an absolute beast and is possibly bionic, but he does need rest. Old Charlie needs to realize that taking Halladay out of a 1-run ball game after 7 innings of work with 105 pitches is a good day’s work out of your ace. Number 34 doesn’t need to pitch a complete game in almost have of his starts, especially when a no-hitter or perfect game isn’t still intact (He threw a perfect game. I was ecstatic. Suck on that Mets and Braves fans.). The following conversation needs to occur… TODAY:

Manuel: Hey Leroy, can I talk to you for a second?

Halladay: Coach, I told you not to call me that. And sure, what’s up?

Manuel: It’s come to my attention that you have thrown a gazillion complete games this year—

Halladay: I know! It’s sick right? I don’t have to worry about Brad’s piece of crap elbow blowing my wins.

Manuel: As I was saying, you’ve done a lot of work and done a hell of a job. A perfect game, seven wins in the first two months, that’s a hell-of-a start to the season. But I think we need to take a break on the complete games.

Halladay: But coach, I’m the best pitcher on the planet! My arm is made of titanium-based metal solution that can never be destroyed.

Manuel: I know, I know. But in order for the team as whole to be successful, we need you to post a few straight 7 or 8 inning starts with around 92 pitches and 9 strikeouts. Then we can give the bullpen 1 or 2 innings of work and call it a night. Sound good?

Halladay: I guess. Is that how you win a World Series and make it to the playoffs? The guys in Toronto never told me that.

Manuel: Ah, my friend. You are learning quite fast young grasshopper.

Aside from Manuel’s mismanaging of Halladay, the Phillies struggles have also been linked to a sudden disappearing of their enormous bats. CSI: Philadelphia has been searching for weeks on who could have snagged the Louisville Sluggers, and so far the suspects include the Sox’s, Met’s and Brave’s batboys and clubhouse workers. Along the trail of clues have been a small hint of dominant pitching performances as well, but that seems to be just a small contributing factor. But seriously, what the hell happened? A team that was in the top-three amongst MLB teams in runs per game has now fallen out of the top-ten. And honestly, I have no clue why it has happened. But, I do know that over the last 14 games:

Jayson Werth is batting .166 (7/42), with only 3 RBI’s, 3 runs and 14 SO’s

Chase Utley is batting .180 (9/50) with a HR and only 3RBI’s and 5 runs

Shane Victorino is batting .176 (9/51). He has 5 SB’s but only scored once

Carlos Ruiz and Jimmy Rollins have only appeared in a combined 13 games

Raul Ibanez is batting .262 (11/42) and the sadly that has raised his average

Placido Polanco has missed 5 straight games due to a bum elbow

All of these slumps and unfortunate occruances have been equally great contributing factors to the Phils’ awful slump. Ryan Howard has been producing, but there have simply been nobody on base for him to nock in or move into scoring position (If he did, then the batters behind him most likely gaped at the ball like a wide-eyed 10-year-old looking at his first “nudey girl magazine” while standing next to home plate, ultimately stranding that runner). The team has collectively averaged a measly 1.5 runs a game in their past series against the division foes Mets, Marlins and Braves. WHAT!? I thought the Phils averaged close to that many homers per game! If it were any another season, I would be extremely worried right now. But, the Phillies have won the division three straight years, the NL pennant the last two, and the World Series Championship in 2008. Charlie Manuel obviously knows how to win in crunch-time and down the stretch in August and September, but right now, he and the Phillies bats are clearly lost. Let’s hope they make it back to reality sooner rather than later.

Flying High

I never thought it could happen, but I think after the Flyers Stanley Cup Championship you will be able to officially call me a Hockey fan. Call me a bandwagoner. Guess What? I am! The only players I can honestly, legitimately and truthfully name off the top of my head are Carcillo, Mike Richards, Danny Briere, Boucher, Simon Gagne and Pronger. I don't even know some of their first names! The point is, that three weeks ago I would have hysterically laughed in your face if you seriously thought that I would say the phrase "Playoff Hockey is exciting to watch" after watching 10 minutes of the Flyers' close out game tonight (I know I need to watch more). So when we (DID I REALLY JUST SAY WE?) win the title, I'll be happy, but still a little jealous. Why can't the 76ers win a championship (The pressure's already on Doug Collins!)? The scariest part of all this madness? Yes, you will be seeing Flyers NHL Hockey covered on Fisch's Philly Sportsline next season, and I never thought I would see the day. Congrats to all the Flyers fans out there, you deserve to party like its 1975!

Waaaay Werth The Wait

It started with the Ben Wallace Afro in Detroit. Then the Mannywood section in Los Angeles’ Dodger Stadium introduced the Manny dreadlocks to the world. Now, it’s time for Philadelphia to enter the world of hair give-a-ways. Introducing……

THE JAYSON WERTH RIGHT FIELD BEARD BUMS!!!

It might not be all that impressive, but at this point I’m willing to do anything to keep number 28 in Philly . I don’t care if I have to rent a limo, drive around South Philadelphia and scream and holler “I WANT TO MARRY JAYSON WERTH” at the top of my lungs, or even change my name to "Werthwolf". Ruben Amaro, Jr. and EVERYONE who is a true Phillies fan needs to help complete a mission: keep Jayson home. Werth is the best Phillies right fielder since Bobby Abreu (wait Abreu played defense?) and has also joined the “Roy Halladay Beard Club” along with Kyle Kendrick. Most importantly, Jayson is on pace for over 30 homers, 130 RBI’s, a plus-.320 average, and might even reach 20 steals.

Jayson Werth. Jayson Richard Gowan Werth. No matter what stats and accolades he receives this season, this bushy-faced man will be eligible for free agency following the team’s imminent NL Championship 3-peat (yeah I just predicted it) . The soon-to-be 31-year-old will most likely be looking to receive anywhere from $10-14 million a season and you know what? He deserves it, his numbers show it and he is worth it. He is WERTH it. Arguably in his prime, Werth is the same age as Ryan Howard (who by the way just signed a deal for $20 million dollars if you have been living under a rock) and by seasons end could perhaps be more valuable to the team.

Jayson also isn’t exactly surrounded by a stellar free agent class either. Other “big name” outfielders include: Colorado’s Brad Hawpe, Detroit’s Johnny Damon and Magglio Ordonez, the now seemingly irrelevant Manny Ramirez, and Xavier Nady (did you know that he left the Yankees for Chicago Cubs?). Ramirez, Damon and Ordonez have all reached the 37-year-old milestone, and Nady and Hawpe were simply one or two-year wonders. Basically, the other outfielders available this offseason, although once great or and even made a few All-Star appearances, can’t wipe Werth’s future $60-plus million butt. That’s a problem. Considering that in the MLB, unlike the NBA or NFL, pretty much every team has a chance to make a trade-deadline deal to free up cap-space for the upcoming offseason, Jayson is going to be a very hot commodity. Think about it. If he does in fact leave town for a greener situation (and no, I’m not talking about the Oakland A’s) we’re going to be forced to fill his spot with either one of the aged, or aging, names listed above, or promote John Mayberry Jr. or Dominic Brown to the big leagues.

Honestly, I have no idea if one of those two prospects could fill Jayson’s 6’5, enormous shoes, and neither do you. But this goes back to the Ryan Howard contract controversy. Ruben Amaro Jr’s main argument was that Howard was a sure thing. If Howard is a sure thing, Jayson’s Werth’s production is more definite than Ron Burgundy hair looking good. Jayson is going to hit over 25 home runs, knock in 90 runs, and steal 10 bags for the next five seasons. Don’t forget a few more All-Star appearances as well. Mr. Werth, I can only hope for the best for you and that you make the best decision for yourself and your family. But I will be praying everyday until free agency signing period that that decision is the one, the only, Philadelphia Phillies.

Tasing a Trail

Was it just me, or did 17-year-old Steve Consalvi’s dash in centerfield pump you up? If the world didn’t see how crazy, insane, ludicrous, and passionate Philly fans were after a mere destruction of South Street following our jubilant World Series victory, then this sure did. Better yet, another fan, Thomas Betz from Warminster, Pa., ran on the field the very next night. Honestly, if we had lost that game, I would have been completely and utterly fed up with fans running onto the field. I mean really? I sincerely would have been scared for the people around me Wednesday morning if some bozo, who was also stupid enough to have marijuana on his person during the stunt, distracted Phils players enough to actually lose the ball game. That being said, I really believe that this pot-head and the aftermath of the Monday night’s tasing has fueled a winning streak for the Phightins. Of course Halladay led the team to a win during his start, and a suddenly studly Kyle Kendrick threw 7 shutout innings against the Cardinals’ extremely dangerous lineup, featuring Albert Pujols. Now, Let’s take a deeper look at the most important of the winning streak: the one that started it all

Cole Hamels pitched his best game since September of 2009. Period. And that last game was against the helpless Washington Nationals (who surprisingly have a winning record so far this season). Cole only gave up one earned run with two walks and eight strikeouts. However the best stat of the night was his ability to go eight very strong innings. Hamels hasn’t been able to get out of the 6^th inning in all but two starts (one being Tuesday’s), forcing some serious bullpen work. The reason for this success can only be due to one of the three following scenarios:

1.) Early Tuesday morning, Hamels signed a contract extension with Comcast through 2057, with agreements for the 26-year-old to appear in a new commercial every year until the deal expires. The commercials would consist of Hamels in a hot tub at the Playboy Mansion with three different beautiful girls (all of which would be mesmerized by his devastatingly good looks, charm, and nasty off-speed pitches) every year. The commercial would then proceed with a little acting, prompting Hamels to remove the tops of all the girls bikini and a slogan reading, “Xfinitiy: More freewill with your bill” flashing up on the bottom of the TV screen. Let’s just say Hamels was in a very good mood that day.

2.) Ryan Madson kicked a wall, broke his toe, and cried for his mom all 10 seconds before Hamels was about to do the same stupid maneuver following a confrontation with the backup shortstops’ backup, Wilson Valdez, about the pronunciation of the Dominican Republic as either the aforementioned way, or the Spanish way, (translated to English as) Republic Dominican.

3.) After watching endless minutes of television coverage about the tasing in centerfield in the midst of the previous night’s game, Hamels headed to the clubhouse, annoyed at the negative TV publicity, with fire in his eyes and a passion burning in his belly. The former ace then walked out to the mound for the top of the first inning and had the competitive drive to make sure he put his team in position to win the ball game, and to not allow a possible game interruption to affect the outcome of the game.

The best thing about Hamels’ performance was that he had command on all of his pitches. You can definitely make the argument that he fell apart after the second fan, in as many nights, rushed onto the field in the top of the ninth, but the body of work he put in for the first 8 innings was very close to emulating hs dominance from his 2008 postseason and World Series performances. Whoever anonymously posted on my Coleossol Impact articile, think again. I promise you, by the end of the season, Hamels will post a sub-four ERA with 16 wins and 180 strikeouts. He is capable of being a very solid number two starter in a championship winning rotation. But pitching isn’t the only thing that wins championships.

During that year’s World Series, Ryan Howard curled up into a ball and sucked his thumb in the corner of the clubhouse, Jimmy Rollins only managed three hits in the series, and almost every pitcher, except for Cliff Lee, collapsed and pooped their pants at some point or another during their starts. The point is, a World Series team needs role players to step up during the postseason, and Carlos Ruiz did that last October. He continued his clutchness with his walk-off hit, and quite honestly, I expected him to at least get on base when he stepped up to the plate. We NEED guys like Chooch (Who has the best post-game interviews in the history of mankind) to deliver. That’s why we won the lottery with Placido Polanco to replace an ineffective Pedro Feliz. The Phillies are together a well-rounded team, with pretty damn good starting pitching, a sensational lineup that provides great run support, and a bullpen that is slowly but surely finding its identity after an egotistical, immature, and just plain stupid Ryan Madson deservedly landed himself on DL.

Here’s the point. This recent winning streak didn’t coincidentally begin after the tasing in centerfield. The organization was embarrassed on national television and I guarantee that many players as well as people in upper management were pissed about this snot-nosed punk teenager running on the field. Since the electric knots that were surged around the world, the Phils have opened up a 4 game winning streak and have won 7 of their last 9. They’re setting the tone early. They’re tasing a trail for October in early May. Don’t look now but Charlie Manuel’s club now has a two game lead over the despicable New York Mets and have upcoming series against the Brewers, Pirates and Cubs looming within the next 15 days. The division lead could swell all the way up to 5 and maybe even 7 games over the next two weeks. This trend of winning, this constant success, this victorious path that is being laid out, all of which are collectively pushing this team towards a postseason run. I honestly don’t know if tasers have sparked this teams streak (pun intended), and I really don’t care what did. Can I at least hope the tasing has something to do with it?

Pockets Philled to the Max

This week for the Philadelphia Phillies was as important to their season as the second “Exile” in my new favorite reality TV show, MTV’s Real World Road Rules Challenge: Fresh Meat II, where Wes’ alliance took a severe advantage over Kenny’s alliance after Kenny was forced to take out a team from his own alliance during that Exile. Although both events took place very early in their respective seasons, their impact on the result of those seasons and perhaps even future seasons to come is nothing short but HUGE. The alliances within every Road Rules Challenge house always play a key role in whoever wins that season, and players’ contracts on a Major League Baseball team roster collectively need to fit together in order to bring a winning combination into the clubhouse and onto the field.

For the Phillies, many fans and local media have been speculating a major salary issue coming after the 2010-2011 season concludes. First, the front office was supposed to set their sights on locking up their rising star right fielder, Jasyon Werth, to a long-term deal. Next, GM Ruben Amaro Jr. was supposed to try and keep Centerfielder Shane Victorino in town. But Amaro Jr. set his sights on a bigger target: keeping the heavy fan favorite and RBI machine, first baseman, Ryan Howard in red pinstripes… forever! As you probably know by now, Howard signed for 5 more years with the team and $125 million more for his pocket. Let’s just say that his extension has sparked a little bit of controversy and drama in the baseball world. If Ryan Howard “deserves” $20 million a year, how much does Albert Pujols “deserve”. How much the Milwaukee Brewers pay Prince Fielder to keep him in Beer City? How much should a guy like Carlos Pena expect to receive? But forget about all of baseball for a second and focus specifically on the hometown relevance to this news story.

What does this mean for the future of the franchise? I can sit here and preach about how great a move it is and how important it is to lock up a talent such as Howard and then finish a column. But I have to talk about the negatives as well. For example, one of my main arguments of why the Eagles needed to deal Donavon McNabb this offseason was because of an ever-looming contract issue. I didn’t want to pay a top-10 talented quarterback the money a top-5 quarterback who has either won a Super Bowl, contends for a Super Bowl every year, or has won a championship and has made it back to the title game since winning (see Manning, Peyton). And the age issue completely comes into factor with Howard too. However, Ryan was a key part of a nucleus that has made back-to-back World Series appearances and has won a ring as well. Plain and simple, I love the idea of locking the big man up until most likely the end of his career, but it is absolutely ridiculous the amount of money he signed for. That being said, he has done practically everything the team has asked him to do.

Coming into the season, Howard was in the best shape of his life, and still is. Either he pulled a Lindsey Lohan and went anorexic for 2 months, or hit the gym hard for the entire offseason with the passion, drive, hunger and the bad tasted left in his mouth that all professional athletes have after getting so close to winning it all and ultimately coming home with nothing. But it wasn’t only his physical shape that has improved; his patience and poise at the plate have also been extremely impressive. During the team’s season opening series in Washington, I texted my buddy Andrew, who is the biggest Phillies fan I know besides myself, and said something along the lines of “Howard is playing with an 18-year-old rookie’s body and a 36-year-old veteran’s brain”. At the start of the season, I didn’t want to admit publicly how excited I was for the guy this year. I mean why not? He had lost 300 pounds, was hitting 137% more balls for opposite field singles than last year and grew out a nice little beard that kinda reminded me of Roy Halladay (Ok I friggen love that beast of a man). But the reality is, as much as I love him when he’s hitting 8^th inning homers to tie up ball games, he seems to always have the mid-season month-long slump with a strikeout a game and a 20-point dip in his batting average.

To get to the point, a $20 million-a-year player does it all. Alex Rodriguez, (as much as I love to hate him), Mark Texiera (immense respect for him even though he’s a Yankee), and Joe Maur all hit for a great average with power, RBI’s, OPS, you name it, AND they get the job done on defense as well. Howard’s gotten better defensively and has improved is average. I’m pulling for him, I really am. But the amount they signed him for is waaaaaaay too much if we expect to keep Werth, Victorino and even Jimmy Rollins until, let’s just say, 2013. The fact might be that as Phils fans we are flat out spoiled. The way this team is constantly winning and contending year after year, maybe I am just not ready to accept that what’s best for the organization is to stick with a nucleus of four guys for two more years and then rebuild a little. Or, Locking up Howard means the front office is confident that we can keep that core of four or five players and keep finding and substituting guys in other positions, such as Placido Polanco.

That being said, I am not a MLB front office executive. But, I am extremely connected to the team and have a pretty educated opinion. I love the idea of keeping Howard happy, but at the end of the day if that keeps us from signing Jayson Werth, Amaro might see his job go bye-bye. Just like in a Real World alliance, teammates need to stick together. That’s been a winning philosophy for the Phillies organization for the past three seasons. I hope that doesn’t change now.

Ed, Ed and Eddie

The NBA playoffs are in full swing, the Phillies have blown their first regular season home series, and the NFL Draft is this Thursday. All this craziness makes me think of a makeover. Not a Lindsey Lohan makeover, but a makeover to improve multiple team settings. And yes, during the rest of the 2010 spring/summer many sports fans (especially Philly ones) will be praying that Barak Obama’s plan for change will take into effect immediately.

Well for 76ers fans, change has already been made in the form of a newly vacant head coach position. The Sixers fired coach Eddie Jordan on Thursday as expected.

“[This season] was unacceptable.” said 76ers President and General Manager Ed Stefanski.

Hmm, why do you think the season was a setback Ed? Was it because you made great front office decisions but players got injured? Was it the fact that Allen Iverson was the key to turning around the 76ers’ season but had to unfortunately leave due to family/gambling issues? Or was it the fact that you hired your best friend as the head coach of a run-and-gun fastbreaking team, who only knew how to coach the Princeton offense? Oh wait, maybe it was the idea that Jordan didn’t know how to coach defense at all. It might have been the fact that during timeouts this season, Jordan would stand at the elbow across from the Sixers bench while Jim Leinem tried to save a team destined for hell, and then he would nonchalantly walk back to the bench and design a play that would result in either a forced shot by Andre Iguodala, or a turnover and even points for the other team.

Let’s throw all the mathematical, logical, and realistic terminology to the side for a second. Stefanski and Jordan were members of the New Jersey Nets together for four seasons. This draws me to conclude 3 theories:

Most Realistic Unrealistic Theory

Ed Stefanski slowly reclines in is beach chair along the Bahamian beach during the 2009 NBA All-Star break. He just finishes sipping his Piña Colada out of a coconut when Eddie Jordan Calls.

Jordan: “Hey Ed. I’m in Phoenix watching the All-Star game. I originally bought the tickets for my wife to watch me coach the Eastern Conference, but apparently the league doesn’t pick losing teams’ coaches to coach the best players in the world for one game. Speaking of the Eastern Conference, I looked at their bench and saw Danny Granger, Devin Harris and Mo Williams, and couldn’t help thinking to myself ‘Wow, Andre Iguodala sure could play with any of those guys, why doesn’t he get any national attention.’”

Stefanski: “You’re telling me that? You’re the first person I know who agrees with me about his contract extension!”

Jordan: “No way, Andre definitely deserves to be the highest paid player on an NBA team. He’s freakishly athletic, shoots 70% from the line, and can win the Slam-Dunk Contest! I’d love for him to be the focus of my Princeton offense.”

Stefanski: “That’s really interesting. I’ve never thought about putting an undisciplined street-balling high flyer in a slow, relaxed and patient half-court offense like the Princeton. That’s crazy. So crazy, it just might work!”

Jordan: “Woah! Lebron just leapfrogged Allen Iverson while finishing an ally-oop from D-Wade. I bet Allen Iverson could put fans in the seats in Philly next season after his contracts ends with the Pistons.”

Stefanski: “You think?

Jordan: “It’s as definite as me winning an NBA Championship within the next three seasons, and you snagging the Exec of the Year next season.”

Stefanski: “Wow Eddie, I forgot about your amazing creativity and ideas back from New Jersey. You made some good points. I’ll tell you what, if Tony DiLeo sets the unofficial record for least amount of words said by a head coach in a NBA Playoff series I’ll bring you into Philly for next year. But if he doesn’t, you have to try to help me figure out how to make the ghost of Elton Brand gel with a young and athletic roster. Deal or no deal?”

Jordan: “Deal. Do we need to ask Howie or David Stern the banker if it’s ok with him?”

Stefanski: “No silly. Stern doesn’t have control over GM’s, I can do whatever I want!”

Ridiculously Unrealistic Theory

Eddie Jordan plops down on his coach with a twenty ounce bowl of heavily salted popcorn in one hand and a six-pack of Bud-Light in the other. Looking down at his new belly, Jordan sighs and thinks to himself; “I need to get a job.” Flicking the Tuesday night TV shows he comes across a rare appearance by the Philadelphia 76ers on national television. Of course the only reason why they are on is because of they are in Los Angeles battling the top team in the Western Conference, the Lakers. After the young and quick Philly team kept the game close through three quarters, Jordan put aside his fifth beer and dropped his empty popcorn bowl on the floor.

Next, Andre Iguodala catches the ball at the top of the key with Kobe Bryant in his face, and stares gaping at the shot clock watching the time tick from 24 seconds all the way down to 5. Jordan now draws himself closer to the screen, surely Iguodala, or Iggy as he likes to refer to him, can’t beat the Lakers by getting past or shooting over one of the greatest players in the history of their franchise. Iggy puts the ball on the floor, crosses over and steps back, Jordan’s heart skips a beat. The ball finds its way through the bottom of the next.

“Wow I must be really wasted if that just happened” Jordan mumbles to himself.

After watching the highlights replayed fifteen times back again, Jordan finally comes to the conclusion that he was in fact wasted, but could still comprehend the outcome of the game. He then proceeds to write a strongly worded e-mail to his old pal Ed Stefanski, the General Manager of the 76ers that went something along the lines of this:

Dear Ed,

Just saw the game wit Iggy’s shot bro, congratu-frickin-lations man! This team is def on the way up and im so proud of you. But watching this game coudent stop me from thinkin how amazin it wood be for us to chill in Philly for the next few years together. I mean u, ed snider and me. Dat’s like the old fave tv show Ed, Edd n Eddy except only it would be Ed, Ed, ad Eddie haha! Woudent dat be sooooooo sweet dude???? Just think bout it cuz im like sooooo siked for next year man n (like the the tv show n instead of and get???) I really want to be in Philly with u and my boy Iggy. Aight dog its been real but I gotta bounce. Need to knock down my sixth beer in an hour so I can just pass out on my couch so I dont have to go clean the toilets at walmart tomoro. Catcha l8ter alligater!

Lots of love,

EJ (or Eddie Jordan if it didn come up in that inbox thing)

Evil Genius Unrealistic Theory

A few weeks after the Philadelphia 76ers blew its 2-1 series lead during their opening round matchup against the Orlando Magic. Ed Stefanski sits in his General Manager’s office somewhere in the Wachovia Center. While stroking his cat, who just so happened to be perched in his lap, Stefanski gazes out his office window that has a few of the team’s home court thinking to himself; “How can I get Tony DiLeo out of his head coaching spot for this upcoming 2009-2010 season after I have already fired Mo Cheeks?” Suddenly it hit him: force DiLeo to “withdraw his name from consideration” of the head coaching vacancy. Perfect.

Followed by an evil laugh, Stefanski then begins to plot who his next coach will be. Should he chose a quiet and soft-spoken man whom he can utterly dominate like a DiLeo, or should he select another evil mastermind that he can collaborate with in order to hatch yet another purely genius plan? Immediately after that thought, Stefanski’s secretary Frau Farbissina forwards him an e-mail with the list of the top head coaches available for the upcoming season and their asking prices. Scanning the list of names one in particularly jumps out at him: Eddie Jordan. Stefanski rapidly begins massaging his temples and the rest of his bald, shiny head brainstorming and pumping out evil schemes in order to leave himself and a potential partner the ones with the last laugh. Then, a second epiphany hits him: Could Jordan and himself singlehandedly lower the 76ers to the depths of the Atlantic Division, ultimately leading to their firing and earning of millions of dollars while sitting on their asses for two years?

Soon, the plan would become reality. Jordan was hired to a 3 year multi-million dollar deal and Stefanski had his pawn in place to lead Jordan and himself to ultimate prosperity while relishing in the Sixers stink bomb. After Lou Williams showed promise in the early goings of the season, Stefanski ordered Jordan to run drills that would purposefully injure him. The plan worked to success. Following that maneuver, Stefanski gained word that Allen Iverson was looking to play again, but all GM’s should beware of his emotional damage and heavy gambling issues. Upon hearing this news Stefanski could only think of one thing: the last missing piece to the puzzle. Adding Iverson would look like a plan to raise ticket-sales when in reality, Iverson’s awful off-court issues and lack of heart in the game infected the entire locker room. Slowly but surely all signs pointed to an Eddie Jordan firing, leaving him unemployed but set to make $6 million over the next two seasons. Stefanski would then plan to either engaging in adultery alongside Tiger Woods, or performing some kind of illegal insider trading within the 76ers (Don’t worry a mastermind such as Stefanski could find a way to make it happen).

Thus in the end, Stefanski and Jordan would be “forced” to spend the next two years on a beach somewhere drinking tequila, while earning nearly $10 million dollars between them, and plotting their next evil scheme.

Now it is obviously clear that I was never a fan of the Eddie Jordan hiring and have never drank the Ed Stefanski cool-aide. I met Stefanksi in a Wachovia Center suite three weeks after he was hired and we talked for a little while about the upcoming off-season. I really appreciated his openness and honesty. However, what he was open and honest about were complete and total red flags. He didn’t tell me straight up, but I had no doubt in my mind Stefanski was sold on bringing Elton Brand to Philly. The worst part about this wasn’t his closed-mindedness or the fact that Brand was aging and damaged (torn Achilles) goods, but the fact that it was clear his main reason to add Brand was to get the fans excited and to put people in the seats. When you make a free agent signing in the NBA and you are a legitimate playoff team, you are supposed to be signing that player for on-court results, which will later translate into box-office numbers. He also was sold on the fact that Andre Iguodala was a future NBA MVP and we all know how that story goes.

Now back to Eddie Jordan. The Princeton offense is complicated and very precise. I’m surprised Eddie Jordan could even comprehend how to coach it. During his five year tenure with the Wizards, I rarely ever saw his team run the Princeton offense their either. And, even though he made the playoffs during every full-year he coached their (his record in 2009 was 1-10 before being fired) he only got out of the first round once, and failed to manage games, and even his players, during crunch time. So was I surprised that integrating Jordan’s Princeton offense into a running-scheme was a failure? Not a chance. Did I think his firing should have come around the All-Star break while Stefanski was sipping a Colada in the Bahamas? Absolutely. Eddie Jordan is not an NBA coach. In fact, I think he could be a very effective college coach and that he deserves a shot at the Rutgers job. Overall, this team needs to sign a younger guy, and not for $3 million a year like Jordan, or seriously attempt to bring Larry Brown back. Otherwise, a team without any real veteran leadership and that lacks a solid go-to-guy, will continue to fail to reach pre-season expectations and see drafting in the lottery year after year. Philadelphia, it’s time for a 76ers makeover.

(* Stay tuned for an Eagles post-draft column, I would have liked to have written a pre-draft post but this column took a little longer than expected to write, my apologies.)

Colelossal Impact

I’ve said it before and I will say it again: Cole Hamels’ pitching struggles are a lot more complicated than simply perfecting the off-speed pitches in his repertoire and even adding pitches as well. What’s holding Hamels back from returning to his dominant 2008 post-season form is hidden within the 6 inches between his ears and underneath the majestically groomed hair that is seemingly plopped on top of his head. Cole Hamels needs to actually emulate his co-cute-boy-athlete star Troy Bolton from High School Musical; he needs to get his, get his, get his, get his head in the game. It’s not like hes completely out of the game. I highly doubt Cole is thinking about his devastatingly good-looking wife. So his minds in the game… but not really.

When the Phillies made the offseason deal to land Roy Halladay, the only thing fans and “experts” would discuss is how his dominant AL (and even AL East) pitching will translate into NL pitching delivered straight from the baseball gods. One of the first things I thought about the trade? How amazing will Carlos Ruiz and Roy Halladay be together?

Whether you are coming out of the bullpen, an end-of-the-rotation starter or a Cy Young candidate, every Philadelphia Phillies pitcher shares something in common. They all have the immense privilege to be caught by the loveable guy we all know as CHOOOOOCH. Carlos Ruiz has been credited for his all-star caliber defense (some can make the argument for gold-glove caliber) and his clutch hitting. The one characteristic that he is never applauded for or even brought up about nationally, and sometimes even locally, is his ridiculous ability to call an effective game for his pitchers. The man guided Brad Lidge to a perfect season for crying out loud! Now back to Cole Hamels.

During Cole’s first two starts (and I apologize for the lateness of this post) he has shown his vast improvement on his curveball change-up and other pitches. There is no doubt in my mind Hamels has the stuff to be the ace of an MLB team. The problem is that he seems to not have mentally prepared himself for improving after the World Series. During those playoffs, Hamels would stare opposing batters in the face with his cold and sometimes harsh blue eyes the way Rafael Palmeiro glared in court while pointing his finger at honorable congressman. Now, it seems as if Cole is creating some mind game between himself and the opposing batter that doesn’t exist. Almost as if he was thinking too hard about a math problem that wasn’t really that complicated. Cole needs to relax and let his boy chooch call the game for him. He needs to force hitters to be afraid of him like they were in the 2008 postseason.

I have all the confidence in the world in Hamels. He was my pre-season pick for NL Comeback player of the year before the season began and I’m still sticking by him. I even thought, and still do, that Cole Hamels was the missing piece to last season’s potential World Series victory. This season, with even more pressure off of him, the Phils could easily go with a 3-man rotation in the starting pitchers department. Harry Leroy Halladay (I had to mention it once) is an absolute horse. ESPN’s Albert Pujols “machine” commercials are about the wrong baseball player. I’m still not completely sure that Halladay was created in some evil baseball genius’s basement to completely overpower every National League hitter he sees. If Hamels provides a very solid second starter contribution, that gives the Phils a 2-0 lead in the series with either a promising J.A. Happ or a potential above-average start from Joe Blanton (I’d much rather have Happ). I like those chances at a NL 3-peat and another World Series crown.

Opening Halladay

This past Sunday and Monday may have been my two favorite consecutive sports days in Philadelphia since the chaotic aftermath of the Phillies' kismet 2008 World Series Championship. Donavon McNabb was dealt (I'll get to the issue of his new team soon) and the Phillies opened up a serious can of whoop-ass on the miserable Washington Nationals behind future 23-game winner and already Cy Young candidate Roy "Doc" Halladay. However the best part about the Phils fantastic opener was the fact that Halladay was not the only new Phillie that I'm extremely excited about and intrigued by. But overall, the best part of the 2010 (2-day) opening day was the fact that the our good old pal Chan Ho Park helped play an enormous role in the Yankees opening collapse against the Red Sox. Damn I love this time of year!

In order to end this entry on an extremely positive note, aka a recap of the Phils' opening day, again I feel obligated to talk about the Donavon McNabb trade. Before the deal actually went down I was all in favor of this trade for three reasons. First, McNabb has never led us to a Super Bowl victory and unless an absolutely terrific draft-day trade was made, I really couldn't see him doing it this up-coming season either. Our secondary is still week, and our Offensive Line is still very depleted by injuries and had many cases of big-300-pound mental collapses last season. Second, after this season would have ultimately ended in a playoff loss, McNabb's contract would have ended. In an uncapped season where Peyton Manning, Drew Brees, and Tom Brady all will earn around $15 million dollars annually, McNabb would have expected at least a 3 year deal and probably even a 5 year deal that would pay him a similar annual salary as well. This means that he was expecting us to pay him in the last year of his contract, at the age of 39, around $15 million dollars! Do you really want to pay quarterback that much money for 3 more trips to the NFC Championship game and 3 more losses? Finally, Now that McNabb is definitely gone, Kevin Kolb will have an entire year of starting in the NFL under his belt before McNabb's contract ends. For those who don't feel that the team has a legitimate playoff chances this year (by the way you're wrong), how can you argue that with a year of experience and getting to know Andy Reid's tendencies, and god-awful clock management decisions, during game situations and gelling with so many outstanding young receivers, I feel very confident in the team's playoff capabilities in 2011. After all, this transaction is definitely a move towards the future. But, How do you trade him within the division! This is either a complete failure by Reid, or the Redskins additional 2011 pick was the best offer and the Eagles front office knows something about McNabb's health that we don't know. Regardless, its a very questionable team to make a deal with and I could rant about it for 3 columns worth of words.

Now moving on to the good news. The Philadelphia Phillies are back and with a vengeance! Watching every second of that opening game I couldn't help but envision a few amazing end of season stat lines:

Roy Hallady- 23 wins, 225 IP, 214 K, 50 BB, and a 2.87 era

Placido Polanco- .307 BA, 22 HR, 89 RBI, 15 SB

Danys Baez- 73 appearances, 8-3 record, 102 K, 3.04 era, 7 Sv

Halladay's dominance yesterday was exciting because his pin-point command of his fast ball, the bite on his curve, and the devastatingly sick-nasty movement on his other two off-speed pitches. Halladay's arsenal is as impressive as how much weight C.C. Sabathia gained over this offseason. The Doc's ability to strand runner's on base and force double play's was also intoxicating. Does anyone else not remember a guy who's name I think was Cliff Lee? Placido Polanco is back in Philly and couldn't have come at a better time. Pedro Feliz's fielding cannot be matched, but his bat had a hole in it the size of Charlie Manuel's drooling mouth last season. Polanco brings another .300 average to compliment a lineup loaded with power, and allows Victorino to shift back to the 7th spot in order to keep our end of the lineup dangerous as well. Realistically, Placido won't knock in six runs every game, but a 90 RBI season is definitely in his range, coming from the 2 spot. Moving onto the intriguing bull-pen, even though Danys Baez only recorded one out, he continued to impress and build off his strong spring yesterday. To have the ability to come into the game in the 8th and record an inning-ending out with a runner in scoring position is huge during the playoffs and arguably cost the Phils a World Series game last year. Antonio Bastardo was not overly impressive but still did not allow a run as well. With Howard's proven power, J-Roll's excellent day, and the other solid position players (I haven't even mention Utley, Werth and Ibanez) I'm ecstatic about this year's season.