Blame Game

I have already been mourning the death of the 2011 Philadelphia Eagles season since the team’s loss to the Arizona Cardinals, but what has happened this morning has really pushed me over the edge. According to many personalities in the National Media and the multiple footbal writers for the Philadelphia Inquirer, yesterday’s victory over the Dolphins was a triumphant and demolishing accomplishment that has the team believing again and still hopeful of sneaking into the playoff hunt. Multiple people wrote how Juan Castillo saved his job, for now, and the cries of “Fire Andy” will disappear until at least next week.

This is what got me totally infuriated.

Seriously??? The awful performance from both of those aforementioned coaches in previous weeks is the reason why the team’s victory on Sunday was such a huge momentous occasion! These coaches are the sole reason why this “Dream Team” season has swiftly flowed down the drain of Jeffrey Lurie’s toilet.

The truth is, everything negative that has happened to this team since the Packers bounced them out of the playoffs last season are either direct or indirect results of Andy Reid’s actions. He overlooked the direct affects that Juan Castillo’s promotion would have on the entire team and can be clearly explained in a simple cause-and-effect view of the Eagles’ series of unfortunate events:

Series of Unfortunate Events: The death of the 2011 Eagles Season

• January— Eagles hire renowned Defensive Line Coach Jim Washburn. This move was pretty great. Washburn was experienced and knew how to coach players to success. But, the Eagles most likely only signed him to attract the then-free-agent Jason Babin who played under Washburn in Tennessee last year.

• February— Since the Eagles decided they would most likely assume the defensive strategy of Washburn, called the “Wide-9”, Andy Reid and the Eagles front office realized they needed a Defensive Coordinator that could easily yield the floor to Washburn at times and be the figure-head of the Defensive staff that Washburn wasn’t capable of being. So, the front office promoted Juan Castillo from the position of Offensive Line Coach to Defensive Coordinator. The move was questionable but Castillo originally won over some doubters by arguing he had studied opposing defenses his entire career and truly knew what happens on the other side of the ball. (HAHAHAHAHA. What a joke!)

• July—Without thinking, the Eagles decided to bolster the positions that had big-name free agents available to bring the attention of the City away from the Phillies star-studded roster. Even though pick-ups of Babin, Cullin Jenkins and Nnamdi Asomugha were, and still are, great acquisitions, Castillo lacked the confidence and knowledge to stress to the front office that the team needed to improve its linebacking corps. Thus, the team’s linebackers were clearly going to be an unimproved weak spot from last season.

• Regular Season—The ignoring of the linebacking corps has resulted in multiple travesties:

1. Weak linebacking (obviously)

2. Terrible tackling on the outside and downfield

3. The overcompensation and ultimate poor play from other positions.

Asomugha isn’t playing his normal cover game because he has to constantly be ready to help out on runs and passes up the middle, the defensive line has to send players into coverage at times instead of rushing the passer, the safeties are can’t really help on deep passes because they’re too concerned with helping the linebackers and thus Asante Samuel can’t take more risks knowing if he gets beat nobody is behind him to help! This insanity on defense has given up way to many points and has then put the offense in a bad position trying to catch up which then leads to this:

• Michael Vick’s woes—When losing, Michael Vick over-thinks and makes more mistakes. This issue has directly resulted in him getting hurt, the decline of DeSean Jackson’s stats and production and ultimately multiple losses! When losing, Vick thinks that staying in the pocket and will help him improve his decision-making and will force him to play safe football, take care of the ball and get as many points as possible to help lead the team back into the game. But, he stayed in the pocket too long until the pocket collapsed on him like a drunk girl on Halloween. He also plays conservative and therefore is scared to risk the deep balls to Jackson fearing that he can’t waste any downs and knowing his defense will give up more points the second he and his offensive trot slugglishly off the field.

This entire serious of unfortunate events for the 2011 Philadelphia Eagles are results from the actions by Andy Reid and the incompetence of Juan Castillo. The chain of negative events that occurred this season is the reason why Reid and Castillo HAVE to be fired following this season. There’s an common philosophy that when an NFL franchise competes annually but can’t get over the hump and win a championship, the team needs to either get rid of its Head Coach or Quarterback. The birds already pushed Donavon McNabb into an end-of-career abyss and now its time to part ways with the guy who has come up short year after year after year after year after year. Yes, that’s the number of times Reid has failed to guide his team to a Super Bowl title after appearing in the NFC Championship Game. It’s time to stop blaming people and realize what needs to be done. There needs to be a culture change at the NovaCare Complex and in the home team locker room in the Linc. Thanks for your decade of hard work Andy, but it’s time for you to go and make sure you bring Castillo with you.

Don't Forget Joe Paterno's True Legacy

Clink the link below to get my opinion for Huffington Post High School on the entire Joe Paterno/Penn State scandal

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jake-fischer/dont-neglect-paternos-tru_b_1093538.html

It's Always Sunnier On A Bandwagon

Below is my blog post for Huffington Post High School about fair-weather fans. If you're as annoyed as I am by bandwagoners than you'll really enjoy this piece. Click here to check it out on the Huffington Post's site.

Within every competitive atmosphere exists a group of people who remain uninterested in that environment until a very interesting moment or event occurs. In the sporting world, the typically disinterested person who suddenly develops a “burning passion” for a team or player is more commonly known as a “fair-weather fan” or “bandwagoner”. Fair-weather fans exist in all aspects of professional sports and are always lurking in the shadows, ready to pounce on an opportunity to jump on a bandwagon. Over the past decade, the number of these so-called fans has been increasing all across America and there seems to be no limit as to what these people sporadically take interest in. For example, it has always been common for the teenage boy living in a suburb of a big city to one day become the biggest fan of that city’s football team once the post season begins. Today, however, fair-weather fans now even consist of American men springing onto the Women’s National Soccer team bandwagon during this past summer’s women’s World Cup. And, as the action of the October Major League Baseball playoffs intensifies, bandwagoners are at it again.

It’s very easy to weed out the true die-hard fans from a despicable crowd of fair-weather fans. However, it’s much more difficult to determine what kind of fair-weather fan a bandwagoner actually is. There are many different levels and categories of a bandwagoner; each consists of varying degrees of pathetic fake worship. Now, in order to shed light on the entire cast of fair-weather fans, I present to you (from most to least tolerable) the Levels of Fair-Weather Fans:

Level 1- “I was focused on another sport during the regular season”

The most tolerable fair-weather fan belongs to the group of people who claim that they were too invested in rooting for a different sports team to be focused on a second sports team within in the same city. Now, you may be thinking this is just an excuse, but most of these fans actually were dedicated to another sports team of the same city. For example, Joe the Schmoe was a dedicated basketball fan and didn’t have enough time to focus on the city’s football team all winter-long until the NFL playoffs began. Joe has known the football team’s record throughout the season, but can’t recall actual games or any meaningful player stats because he has just glanced through box scores in the morning paper. Joe’s friends probably invited him to watch a few football games over at someone’s house a few Sundays as well. However, Joe was too busy with going to the basketball team’s game or watching it at his house. Until one day, when the football team advances deep into the postseason, Joe asks his friends if he can purchase a ticket near them at the football team’s Conference Championship game. His friends, knowing that he is a true fan of their city’s sports teams at heart, respect his sudden passion for the football team, even if it did come a little too late.

Level 2- “I was really busy during the regular season”

Following the two-sport pickled fan, there are fans that are too pathetic to even come up with an excuse for not following the team during the regular season. Within sports fandom, just like school, work and amongst friends, the excuse “I was too busy” is just as cliché and false as the “my dog at it” defense. Unless the person was seriously devoting their time to earning a promotion at work, bringing their grades up or spending more time with their friends and family, there is no reason to be “too busy” to follow a sports team. Unfortunately, the people that might actually have a legitimate reason probably only make up 5% of the population of the fair-weather fans in this category. The “too busy” fair-weather fan also commonly complains that watching road games on TV is too boring to waste their precious free time. If this excuse is made, definitely expect the person to follow up that statement with some form of argument derived from “the team’s TV commentators are also annoying and uneducated about the game.” Well, the commentators are definitely a hell of a lot more invested in the team than they are.

Level 3-Fans who defend not wearing team apparel until the playoffs

Most High Schools across America are overflowing with students who are Level 3 fair-weather fans. In most towns, the residents tend to root for and become affiliated with the closest city’s sports teams. For example, a kid growing up in any part of Illinois is born and bred a Chicago sports fan. However, it is extremely uncommon to see an Illinois high school student walking down the halls rocking a Derrick Rose jersey in September or wearing an Aramis Rameriz jersey during the winter. Only true die-hard fans will sport an out-of-season jersey or team apparel during the off-season. The excuses for not-wearing out-of-season team apparel range from “I was wearing the in-season team’s apparel” to “I outgrew my old fan-gear” to “It was too cold to wear a jersey”. Yet, the Level 3 fair-weather fan is optimized by the guy sitting in front of you at a playoff game who still has the tag on his recently purchased jersey. True fans wear their team’s colors year round, and it’s really difficult to accept fake fans who buy team apparel after that team wins the championship or suddenly becomes good.

Level 4- The girlfriends of Die-hard fans

It’s not sexist to say that the majority of women are not true, die-hard, “Cut me open and see I bleed my team’s colors” sports fans. Even though there are female fans that have grown up most of their life supporting a sports team, too many women become passionate sports fans out of the blue. What’s the reasoning behind this phenomenon? Women who take up an interest in sports fandom to either impress their boyfriend or husband or to spend more time with that spouse. This latter reasoning does make sense. If a woman’s boyfriend goes to football games every Sunday and she wants to spend more time with him, then she should take full advantage of every opportunity to go to a game with him. But, when the girlfriend suddenly becomes a die-hard fan in order to impress her boyfriend, his friends or his dad, then a serious case of Level 4 fair-weather fandom should be diagnosed by a local doctor. Within a competitive atmosphere that often consists of arguments and heated sports discussions, men don’t want to be bothered with a girlfriend trying to impress them with her limited knowledge. However, if the woman does actually have a point, then her boyfriend’s peers will embrace her. So ladies, don’t get caught up in impressing your boyfriend with your sports knowledge. Understand the fine-line between attending a game, and ruining the sporting experience for your boyfriend’s buddies.

Level 5- Other team’s fan who claims to have always liked your team

Nothing is more irritating than a fan of another team who claims that your team is his “second-favorite”. In the world of true sports fandom, you can only support one team within each sport. And, your devotion to that team can only be influenced by the city you were born in or grew up in and by which team your parents root for. That’s it. So, when a person suddenly starts rooting for a team that doesn’t belong to the aforementioned categories, you need to bail. Don’t trust them, because they’re probably going to negatively influence your sports-rooting experiences. The worst example of Level 5 fair-weather fandom exists in New Jersey and Connecticut. Both states are commonly states that New Yorkers choose to raise their children in and ultimately bring along their infectious New York fandom into the state as well. For example, when a guy moves from Manhattan to a South Jersey Suburb to raise is children, he raises his children as New York fans living in a town that is heavily populated with Philadelphia fans. So, when the New York team is eliminated from playoff contention or the playoffs, the New Yorker’s son suddenly claims he’s been a Philly fan all along and that they’ve always been his second favorite team. The die-hards know better.

Unlike the Level 5 fair-weather fan, I’m actually a die-hard Philadelphia sports fan. I’ve cringed when my dad has thought aloud about giving up his 76ers season tickets and I’ve sat through Phillies games in third grade when the Marlins were coming into Citizens Bank Park and dominating. I’ve cried during losing streaks and cheered during winning streaks, but I’ve never hidden behind an excuse and sunk to the level of a fair-weather fan. Detroit Lions fans have always shown up to games during the team’s 19-game losing streak back in 2009. Today, the team is on fire and the fans are still there. But the fact that the Buffalo Bills have increased ticket sales this season doesn’t speak for good marketing and good business by the organization. It points directly at the fans that have suddenly become Bills supporters now that things are starting to look up. So to all those people out there who are jumping on bandwagons all across America: go home. You need to experience the bad times before you can truly appreciate the good.

Nowhere To Go But Up

During a Season 4 episode of CBS’s Two and a Half Men, Alan is faced with a second failed marriage. His devilish mother, played by Holland Taylor, comes to the rescue with some inspiring words of wisdom: “Short of contracting a flesh-easting disease, thing’s couldn’t possibly get any worse. You’ve hit rock bottom. You have no where to go but up!” Unfortunately, Andy Reidcould use these exact “motivational” words of wisdom for his pre-gamespeech on Sunday in Buffalo.

After a bevy of blockbuster off-season trades and free-agency signings, the Philadelphia Eagles were labeled by many as a pre-season “dream team”, the NFL’s Miami Heat, the cat’s pajamas, any other cliché for something awesome and a favorite to contend for the 2011 Super Bowl. Now, a quarter of the way through the regular season, Michael Vick has left two games due to injury, theoffensive line has committed stupid penalty after stupid penalty, the horrendous line-backing play has been detrimental to the entire defense and Andy Reid is still… Andy Reid. Although the team’s record could easily be a not-too-shabby 2-2 if it weren’t for the shanking leg and foot of Alex Henery, the Birds are an embarrassing 1-3 and were expected to have a record of 3-1 or even 4-0. They collapsed against the Falcons in the 4^th quarter with a failed thirddown conversion and terrible red-zone defense, they were destroyed by the Giants at home by the surgical arm of Eli Manning (REALLY????), and of course the aforementioned loss to San Francisco accredited to the rookie kicker Henery. But again, things can’t possibly get any worse, right?

On the bright side, the team’s high-powered offensive attack does rank within thetop ten of the entire NFL, and Vick is still standing on his own two feet by his own will. LeSean McCoy is running wild with 363 total rushing yards with a 5.5 yard average per carry and 4 touchdowns as well. DeSean Jackson, Jeremy Maclin and Jason Avant have all been sufficient and effective targets for Vick too. However, the team can’t consistently turn long drives into seven points. Henery has attempted 11 field goals, 7 from 30-39 yards, meaning the team has failed to convert on 7 red-zone and near-red-zoneopportunities. A team can’t win without puttingseven points on the board so often. Yet there is a silver lining. With each game, the offensive line grows stronger and more experienced. Over the next three weeks, the drive-crushing penalties the inexperienced lineman commit will decrease and Vick’s safety in the pocket should increase too. And, as long as Vick stays somewhat healthy, and Shady continues to bounce off tacklers and shoot through holes and gaps that seem physically impossible to bust through, the offense can’t possibly be as horrible as the defense is.

To begin, CASEY MATTHEWS IS NOT HIS BROTHER! He never will be, even if they have identical flowing hair that should be endorsed by head and shoulders. He’s not as fast, strong, smart or talented as his big brother, Clay Matthews either. His demotion to the bench was one of Reid’s only smart decisions since the pre-season ended, but Matthews might not even deserve to be on the Miami Dolphins’ bench. I know he’s only a rookie, but if this team has any idea of playoffs on their minds, Matthews cannot be in their lineup whatsoever. He’s not ready to be an NFL linebacker. The entire line-backing corps isn’t sufficient enough to compliment the team’s abundance of talent on the defensive line and in the secondary. With a straight up intimidating pass-rush and pretty good downfield coverage, the defense ranks 11^th in the League in opponent’s pass yards allowed per game. The only real chink in the so far pass defense armor has been the linebacker’s incapability to cover tight ends and Nnamdi Asomugha’s slow adjustment to the team system. But, Asomugha’s transition to

the Philly 4-3 system would be a whole without the linebackers tackling and pass protecting liabilities, which are also leaving the defensive line out to dry in this wide-9 system with no rush protection in the middle. This only leaves me with one glaring question: Why did the front office let Stewart Bradley go? He was still recovering from his ACL tear in 2009, and could arguably be fully recovered just about… NOW. Instead, the Eagles boast a starting linebacking corps of Brian Rolle, Jamar Chaney and Moise Fokou. That’s inexperience, inexperience and very little experience respectively. Even though they added big names to the defensive line and secondary, the front office totally dropped the ball on the heart of the defense.

1-3 is definitely not the place the Eagles were expecting to and wanted to be. In fact, Since the AFL and NFL merged in 1970, 370 teams began the season 1-3 or worse. Only 29 of those teams (7.8%) made the playoffs, only five of those 29 teams made it to the conference championship game (1.4%) and only one team made it to the Super Bowl (0.3%). The Eagles have dug themselves into a whole as deep as a whole dug to theChinese Basketball Association. The Birds’ schedule isn’t a walk in the park, but there does appear to be favorable matchups against a maybe-back-pedaling Bills team, the Redskins, who are yet to prove they are for real, Tony Romo’s Cowboys, the “Kevin Kolb Era Arizona Cardinals”, and then three-straight non-division games against the Seahawks, Dolphins and Jets. The Eagles are a very disappointing 1-3. However, with reality check game this upcoming Sunday and a somewhat favorable schedule, the team does have a chance to improve. After hitting the potential NFL contender “rock bottom” the Eagles really do have nowhere else to go but up. And, on the bright side, the Phillies are still alive in the playoffs…

He's BA-AAAAACK

And because you were wondering, the answer is YES! Yes to the fact that Fisch has returned to the blogosphere. Yes to the fact that Jimmy Rollins has been recalled of the DL. Yes to the fact that the NL East crown is the Phillies’ again. Yes to the fact that Michael Vick again has a starting job in the NFL. And of course I say YES! to the fact that Donovan McNabb is returning to Philadelphia this Sunday. The time is now for Philadelphia sports. The Phils are most likely heading into the playoffs as the best team in National League and the Eagles are fiercely pushing forward behind the acrobatics of Michael Vick. But lets forget about the Phightins for one second (Stay tuned for this weekend) and focus on a new era in Eagles history: Michael Vick-Showtime.

Yes you heard it correctly: Showtime. And nothing short of Showtime. The dude simply dominates on the gridiron. With a 6:0 touchdowns to interception ratio and a 110.2 passer rating, number 7 is suddenly the Eminem of the NFL. The bad boy who seemingly lost his way is now back with a vengeance while seeing his game soar to knew heights. But even though the electrifying quarterback looks like a sure lock for the Pro-Bowl this year, there are still a lot of questions surrounding the newest quarterback controversy in the NFL. Starting Vick is the perfect solution for the birds’ today, but not everything may be perfect by seasons end. This leads me to think of only three possible scenarios that can come out of this situation:

Vick’s Starting Job Wet Dream Scenario

So far this season, Michael Vick’s passer rating ranks only behind Peyton Manning, 4^th overall in touchdown passes, and has still yet to throw an interception. This Sunday, Vick will lead his squad to battle against the man he replaced was supposed to replace, none other than Donovan McNabb. Imagine. It’s the biggest game of Vick’s career and he flat out performs. He does so to the tune of 300 passing yards, two TD passes, 50 yards on the ground, and of course a victory. This performance defines his season. Vick then goes on to a 4,000 yard passing season, 34 TD passes, 500 yards rushing and 7 rushing TD as well. After being named to the Pro-Bowl and proving all the haters wrong, the reborn QB leads his team to a division title.

Once the playoffs come around, Vick pushes his squad to the NFC Championship game, an extremely familiar place to Philly fans. And even though he would ultimately lose the contest, another familiar place for Philly fans, the season would not go wasted. He would bring back the faith amongst the Eagles fan base. He would spark a new energy within the Eagles locker room. He would bring the Eagles back to the top of the NFL. But that’s not all he’d do.

After seeing the inspirational run this dedicated and determined man started with his teammates, Jeffrey Lurie and the Eagles front office would be determined to improve the team that next offseason. Strong additions of a veteran cornerback opposite Asante Samuel, and a more reliable center than Jamaal Jackson would join Vick in a new Eagles locker room filled with a new positive and excited energy. This is the team that would ultimately bring that long awaited Super Bowl Championship to the city of Philadelphia. And it would all start with a man who everyone had once written off from football, from society and from humanity.

Vick’s Starting Job Realistic Scenario

So far this season, Michael Vick is 2-0 as a starter. Putting up all of his aforementioned stats and possessing a true leadership role in the Eagles locker room. After an epic and flat out demolishing of the pitiful Washington Redskins, Vick and company re-enter their locker room at the Linc feeling confident as ever about their chances to win the NFC East Division title this season. They eventually do, and earn the right to home field in the first round of the playoffs against their division rival and Wild-Card winner, the Dallas Cowboys. As unfortunate as Baxter being punted off a bridge, the birds are sadly defeated by the Cowboys for the second season in a row. After the game and the entire NFL postseason over, the Eagles front office sits down to discuss the future of the franchise.

It’s time for them to realize one thing: Michael Vick deserves a FAT paycheck. Unfortunately, The birds have already invested a lot in Kevin Kolb as well, and Vick suddenly has tremendous value around the league. After a pro-bowl caliber season, Vick could most likely be traded in exchange for a first and second round draft pick, and maybe even a player in return. This is when Andy Reid’s always gaping and drooling mouth turns into a slight smile. He then chuckles to himself and begins to develop and evil look in his eyes. Reid, slamming his fist on the table, shoots out of his comfy conference room chair and roars with an extreme amount of pride, “Kolb is our guy”. Suddenly, the Eagles coach begins daydreaming about Kolb returning to the team the next season, with fire in his belly and a vengeance to prove to everyone that he was in fact worth the risk to trade Donovan McNabb two seasons prior.

Kolb is then awarded the starting job and leads the Eagles to 4 postseason appearances over the next 7 seasons. The quarterback never reaches the Super Bowl and makes one Pro-Bowl appearance. He has an average career. This all occurs as Michael Vick is traded to the San Francisco 49ers to replace Alex Smith. Vick is the quarterback who would finally bring the 49ers to the playoffs post-Jerry Rice and Steve Young era. Vick would win one Super Bowl with the team.

Vick’s Starting Job Wrist-Slitting Scenario

Michael Vick faces his biggest test of the season when the Washington Redskins come to town in Week 4. The game is surrounded by incredulous amounts of media attention, player hype, and personal goals that Vick himself has made. Fortunately for the reborn superstar, he leads his team to a victory over the hated skins and there suddenly washed-up quarterback, Donovan McNabb. The national media, the city of Philadelphia and most importantly, all of the Eagles organization now definitely has 100% confidence in Vick as the team’s franchise quarterback and face of the team. However, the birds’ schedule gets harder. With tough games against Atlanta Falcons, Tennessee Titans and Indianapolis Colts all in a row, Vick struggles, the locker room begins to fall apart, the entire organization loses confidence in him as the starter, and Kevin Kolb even starts the 4^th quarter against the Colts. All throughout the next week, ESPN reports that Andy Reid is seriously considering starting Kolb over Vick once again. He doesn’t, but the speculation throws Vick off his game even more, thus almost begging Reid to make a change at quarterback.

Kolb then returns to lead the team to a 4-4 record for the rest of the season and leaves the team in the middle of the NFC East standings with an overall record of 8-8. Nothing compared to what fans were expecting after Vick’s first three weeks of starting play. They were expecting playoffs, possibly an NFC Championship Game appearance. But, a Cinderella feel-good story only happens in Philadelphia when it comes to the Phillies. The Eagles are suddenly left clueless about what to do with two overrated or untalented quarterbacks on their roster and no teams around the league are calling with trade offers. This is the point when Andy Reid first realizes his mistake in trading McNabb.

Of course, the last scenario will definitely not happen. I firmly believe that in no point during the rest of Andy Reid’s coaching career, and maybe even his entire life, will he ever, ever, EVER regret trading Donovan McNabb. He was, and still is, injury prone, lacks sufficient on-field leadership, and suffers from seriously inconsistent play and accuracy. My buddy Andrew describes any mix-up between a quarterback and wide receiver that results in a short throw a “McNabb fireball”. (He actually slips in an explicative as well, but the committee of one on this editorial board really tries to keep this blog PG-13). But this isn’t about McNabb; it’s about Michael Vick.

Now, I’ve provided you with three possible scenarios that can come out of Vick’s starting gig in Green and White this season. And I honestly believe that reality will fall somewhere between the Wet Dream and Realistic scenarios. It is extremely difficult to say that, with this shaky of an offensive line, the Eagles can effectively run the ball and provide Vick with enough time to pass on 80% of downs in the playoffs. Great teams are able to run the ball in the postseason, and I would feel extremely sorry for Shady McCoy if I had to watch him get pummeled by NFC defenses these playoffs. That being said, this team is honestly a Center and second Cornerback away from contending for a Super Bowl Championship with Michael Vick in control. This team’s offense is as electrifying as Kim Kardashian in a bikini and seeing Khloe and Lamar Odom’s marriage last longer than a year. While praying, seriously praying, that the Eagles’ front office will make some legitimate offseason moves during this upcoming spring and summer, anticipate great things from the team in the seasons to come. This year is only an amazing building block for future dominance.

No Bummer Summer

As the NBA Draft rapidly approaches, all NBA fans are hearing about is LeBron this and LeBron that. Honestly, unless a blockbuster draft-day trade occurs or a sign-and-trade deal is verbally agreed on by the end of the month, I don’t care about LeBron until July 1^st; the day this hot commodity opens up on the market. The “Courting of the King” can really draw comparisons to the Jersey Shore craze of this past fall and even the hype Barak Obama received during his early campaigning for office. And if one can compare LeBron to the likes of “The Situation”, the lucky city that wins the King James Lottery will truly be given a direct gift from the basketball gods. But forget about LeBron for about 8-10 minutes. Because the NBA Draft thankfully has nothing to do with James (Well actually, it could. You never know). In fact, as the Washington Wizards imminent selection of John Wall is as highly expected as Michael Scott having thousands of friends on facebook, the basketball society has now turned its collective head towards the 76ers.

The owners of the number two overall pick can take pretty much anyone they want who’s entered in the draft. But sorry guys, the franchise cannot take Jackie Moon from Flint, Michigan with their pick. Now that experts are beginning to speculate a possible selection of Georgia Tech’s Derrick Favors, I think it’s time for someone to clearly explain to fans what the hell is going on in the 76ers delusional front office. The 76ers have yet to go through a successful trade deadline or offseason during Ed Stefanksi’s reign as GM, and it’s about time they had one. This summer is crucial for a team that has playoff hopes for next season, and we cannot afford to go through another disappointing summer. Without further ado, I present to you the first-ever 76er’s offseason To-Do List that will most likely result in a positive impact for today, tomorrow and the years to come:

1. Trade Two of the Following Players: Andre Iguodala, Elton Brand and Sammy Dalembert.

In all truthfulness, when I first came up with the idea for the “To-Do List”, I came up with this number one task 48 hours before the 76ers actually and FINALLY dealt Dalembert and his absolutely horrifying and nauseating contract. Too bad the Sacramento Kings weren’t looking to buy him last season (They only wanted him now because his repulsive contract expires after this season). So when I got my ESPNews update text message about the trade, my reaction process began not with me jubilantly jumping up and down, but me sulking in a corner because I couldn’t publicly predict he would be traded. Thus, I had to still include his name in the above task, in order to prove my sheer sports genius.

Anyway, the 76ers could do without all three of the above players in my opinion. For starters, a few years back, Sammy was one of the top-three highest paid centers in the League (only behind Shaq and Yao Ming). At his best during the 2007-2008, the 6’11 Haitian posted 10 points, 10 boards, and 2 blocks a game. Although that’s a pretty damn good stat line, Dalembert always seemed to lack the ability to rise to the occasion and have an “EFF YOU” moment against an opposing big man. Unfortunately and contrarily, Over his eight-year career, each season, month, and even game has provided me with multiple “You Stink Sammy!” moments. I remember the worst-ever YSS moment I’ve ever had came at home, against the Miami Heat during the 2005-2006 season, when Shaq rolled into town alongside Dwayne Wade. The team was on their way to the franchise’s first ever NBA championship, and the big guy was ready to eat “Slammin’ Sammy D”. O’Neal received a lob pass on the baseline, used his monstrous arm to clear out space, took one dribble, and stuffed the ball through the rim and into Dalembert’s forehead. That defensive lapse wasn’t all Sammy’s fault, and that was always his supporters’ excuse: It’s not Sammy’s fault. But whether he rightfully deserved the blame or not, Dalembert never exactly competed against the centers who made as much money (and sadly even the ones who didn’t make half as much) as him. The center was an offensive liability (only scoring consistently on ally-oops and driving dump-off passes), never wowed anyone from the line (career 69% shooter from the charity stripe), and was never shy to foul out of game and get caught goaltending. But with all the negatives that came with Dalembert, I could never hate him as much as I hate Andre Iguodala.

Now, you will only be saved a few more seconds to see how I truthfully hate Iguodala (See the #2 task on the TDL), but ever since the dreadful “Stefanski” summer, where the very man who the offseason is named after inked the two-worst-contracts-Philadelphia-sports-history, I’ve also dislike Elton Brand. At first, the guy who dramatically lied to his “best friend”, Baron Davis, and the team that he had known and loved, seemed very intriguing. Then, one injury into his time here in Philly, I was a little disappointed with his lack of rebounding and post defense. Now, two injuries and two disappointing seasons into it, I’m frankly pissed off. When healthy, Brand has the ability to be a 20 and 10 threat every night, and one of the top post players in the League. However as previously mentioned, Brand hasn’t been healthy, and he hasn’t posted numbers even close to what he’s capable of. Over the past 2 seasons, the Sixers have paid the former All-Star $15 million for 13 points and a little more than 7 rebounds a game: that’s not gonna cut it. If the club decided to part ways with the veteran right now, I wouldn’t be pleased, I would be elated.

The 76ers have some great young pieces in place with Jrue Holliday, Thaddeus Young, Spencer Hawes and maybe even Marreese Speights. And, veterans Jason Kapono and newly acquired Andres Nocioni are great bench and role players. The front office needs to look at and reevaluate their “star” players now. Iguodala and Brand are owed a combined $27 million dollars next season. Will either player make an All-Star team in the next two years? Probably not. Will either player lead any NBA team deep into the playoffs ever during the rest of their career? Definitely not. The only reason being this: neither player can ever be the best player on a championship-caliber team. The sooner Ed Stefanski and his band of dimwitted idiots realize that, the sooner the team will have a chance to get out of the first round of the playoffs (something they haven’t done since 2003).

2. Draft Evan Turner and NOBODY Else.

As you all hopefully know by now, I absolutely love creating, forming, and sharing conspiracy theories. This is why I love Evan Turner. While I do love Turner for his tantalizing ability to score and lead his troops to battle, I really love him for his imminent ability to challenge Andre Iguodala’s big-shot taking ability, leadership and flat-out basketball talent all without saying anything and letting his game speak for itself (something Iguodala has no idea exists). If you skipped the first task on the TDL because it was self-explanatory (of course I didn’t fail to mention Andre Iguodala’s, Elton Brand’s and Sammy Dalembert’s lack of ability to give Philly fans and ownership their money’s worth) I REALLY want the team to deal Iguodala. They should have done it when they had a chance to this past trade deadline. Obviously the front office finally realized Dalembert’s flaws, and it seems as if Doug Collins (who is suddenly as in love with Derrick Favors as Ron Burgundy is with Veronica Corningstone) has now realized that Elton Brand isn’t as he was advertised during the Stefanski summer. I promise you right now, drafting Evan Turner will reveal to the entire world the many weaknesses of Andre Iguodala.

So If I was on my hands and knees praying for the Phillies to keep Jayson Werth after this season, I don’t know how one can describe my wanting for the 76ers to take Evan Turner at Number 2. Think of this potential opening-night starting lineup for the Philadelphia 76ers in 2011: PG Jrue Holiday, SG (Rookie of the Year) Evan Turner, SF Thaddeus Young, PF Marreese Speights/Jason Smith, and C Spencer Hawes. That’s a quality young and gritty team. Now doesn’t that lineup look a lot nicer than this: PG Holiday, SG Andre Iguodala, SF, Thaddeus Young, PF Elton Brand, C Spencer Hawes? I don’t know about you, but I might have nightmares every night if the 76ers are still stuck with Brand and Iguodala for the next two years. But, I will be having fantasies if Evan turner is putting up Rookie-of-the-year-like numbers and in the running for the All-Star team in only his second year.

The point is, unlike Iguodala, Evan Turner has the ability to be the best player on any NBA Team that doesn’t have a player named Kobe Bryant, LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, or Carmelo Anthony. Turner may even have the ability to be a league MVP one day as well. NBA Draft experts are saying that it would make more sense chemistry-wise for the team to take Favors with their pick because of a possible issue between Turner and Iguodala. If you can’t tell by now, that’s exactly what I want to happen. I want Evan Turner to push all of Iguodala’s buttons. I want Evan Turner to flat out irritate Iguodala. I want Evan Turner to force Iguodala to demand a trade. I want Iguodala out of Philly, and Evan Turner is missing piece to the puzzle.

3. DO NOT Resign Allen Iverson

During this past decade, there were thousands of kids who grew up wanting to be the next Allen Iverson. I remember one of my best friends, Marc, freak out like a 10-year-old girl who just met the Jonas Brothers when he saw my dad bought me the new Reebok AI shoes in back during our days in Second Grade. I remember all of the hype when he led the team to the 2001 NBA Finals and the craziness that followed his “EFF YOU” step over Tyronn Lue in Game 1 of that series. I remember his return to Philly as a member of the Denver Nuggets and the five-minute-long standing ovation he received after being introduced in their starting lineup. I remember all the good times Iverson has brought to Philly and those are the only memories I want to have of him.

I was never AI’s biggest fan back in his glory days. In fact, I constantly hated on him for being a ball-hog and selfish. But, when anyone discussed anything about the 10-time All-Star, I always seemed to defend him. Like all of those thousands of kids who wanted to be the next AI, I felt a sense of attachment to the guy. I felt like he was MY player on MY team. And that’s probably why I don’t want to see a depleted version of this once-amazing player be crossed-up night in and night out by opposing young point guards (see Stuckey, Rodney 12/9/09). During this past season, it definitely seemed as if the less effective Iverson was, the less interested the entire team was in winning. And at the culmination of what seemed to be the end of his storied career, the entire team disappeared after Iverson left the team for gambling and other personal issues.

AI has always been the heart and soul of this team. As a leader and competitor, you don’t find many better than Iverson, and his passion for the game will never be questioned. However, the newly 35-year-old is still looking for a starting gig and 10-20 shots a night. At this stage in his career, Iverson should be looking to settle into a nice bench player’s role on a Championship-caliber team, with 15 minutes, 6-10 shots, and a few assists a game. Resigning AI will not dramatically increase attendance (as last year proved) and it will also be counterproductive with the “youth movement” the 76ers have with Holiday, Hawes, Young, as well as Smith, Speights and Lou Williams. It is sadly time to move on from the AI era in Philadelphia (Unless he wants to join his buddy Aaron McKie on the bench in the coach’s section). I’ll miss Iverson, but his time is up, and everyone needs to realize it.

First Task Left Off TDL: Make LOUU Williams Accept His Bench Role

Honorable Mention Tasks: Package Louuu In A Deal With Iguodala or Brand, Do Whatever is Necessary To Lower The Salary Cap, Keep all Big Men Healthy.

Ridiculous Task That Couldn’t Be Written Without Making Someone Angry: Keep A List of Available GM’s Close and a Phone Closer

Yes, I don’t like Ed Stefanski. But he has made two good moves during his tenure as General Manager. The first came with his selection of Jrue Holiday in last year’s draft with the 17^th Overall Pick, and trading Sammy D. Both moves cannot redeem him for the two-worst-contracts-in-Philadelphia-sports-history, but it’s a start. Hopefully, Stefanski will continue his streak of smart and sensible decisions by taking Turner at Number 2. The only possible way I could ever forgive him for not taking Turner, would be if the 76ers dealt the pick for a nice young player and stayed in the top-5 picks. A trade consisting of oh, I don’t know, Minnesota’s Kevin Love and the Number 4 Overall Pick in exchange for Number 2. With that, the Sixers cannot pass Number 4 without taking either Favors or Wesley Johnson. However, Wesley Johnson’s game is an awful lot like Thaddeus Young’s and that’s a lot of money to pay an unproven rookie to come off the bench. If Favors isn’t there, I would honestly like to see the team take a chance on DeMarcus Cousins. That is very highly unlikely, but hey, I will take a frontcourt of Cousins-Hawes for 10 years. The 76ers pick will definitely set the tone for the rest of the draft and John Wall’s fate is really the only thing predetermined for the lottery. The 76ers have a chance to dramatically change their franchise and push them forward on a positive note. With tomorrow’s draft comes a lot of possibilities, let’s just hope the realities play out in our favor.

What Would Jimmy Do?

I’m lost for words. And I’ve been lost for words for the past two weeks. And, it’s the reason why I haven’t written for a while that is so depressing. The saddest thing about my writer’s block is that I could easily write a short piece about the upcoming NBA Draft and the 76er’s complete offseason to-do-list, yet at the same time can barely but a pen to paper (or my fingers to a keyboard) about the absolute collapse of the Philadelphia Phillies over the past 6 weeks. In recent years, I’ve loved every second of the New York Mets’ infamous collapses and took as many opportunities as possible to mess with Mets fans about them. Now it’s only June and I feel a giant knot in my stomach as if the team has already missed the playoffs, and I am starting to wonder if this is how Mets fans have felt in the past.

At a time like this, one might feel immense depression, seek the need to curl up into a little ball in the corner of his or her room, and stare at an animal cracker for hours on end. But, the sensible thing to do in a situation such as this is to not sulk and feel sorry for ourselves, but to try to think of reasons for a group of guys’ awful excuse for a baseball team. This doesn’t mean play the blame game either. From Jayson Werth, to Charlie Manuel, to Chase Utley, to the creepy old cat lady down the street, everyone deserves his or her own share of the blame.

If you don’t follow and watch the team religiously, trying to make sense out of all this is absolutely ludicrous. And honestly, I have recently found viewing a Philadelphia Phillies baseball game as painful as a root canal or wearing the clothes my grandma got me for my birthday out in public. But when I do tune into a game, one thought constantly runs through my mind: “WWJD?”. No, I do not think, “what would Jesus do?” (I’m Jewish) even if Jesus was a Jew, but “what would Jimmy do?” Yes, the seemed-to-be forgotten Jimmy Rollins, did once start at shortstop for the Phils way back in April of 2010, ladies and gentleman. J-Roll is currently on his second trip to the DL and his pulled hamstring has limited him to only 41 at bats thus far this year. Why does the absence of a leadoff hitter affect the entire lineup you may ask? Because this leadoff hitter does so much more for this team than just get on base.

Rollins’ ability to get on base and hit for a high average cannot be questioned. But once he gets on base is where and when; the magic really happens. Jimmy’s speed and base running smarts allow him to collaborate with Davy Lopes and snag bag after bag and provides the power hitters behind him with many RBI opportunities as well. Number eleven’s trickery on the base paths can at times be compared to none other than John Tucker’s ability to play girls. The little shortstop (Rollins can’t be taller much taller than the Boston Celtics’ Nate Robinson) also aids the Phillies lineups with some pop as well. When on his game, Jimmy easily can have a 20-20 season (20 HR’s and 20 SB’s) and bat over .300. Having such a great mix of power and speed is so deadly to opponents and so crucial to his own team, and it has clearly been missed.

Rollins has always led by example, and maybe that’s what this team is missing: a leader. Someone to turn to when the going gets tough, someone to look towards for inspiration in a time of need and slump: a leader. The Phillies have appeared in back-to-back World Series. It pains me to say so, but maybe they won’t be able to make it a three-peat without Rollins in full swing. But at least I’m able to say and write something.