No Bummer Summer

As the NBA Draft rapidly approaches, all NBA fans are hearing about is LeBron this and LeBron that. Honestly, unless a blockbuster draft-day trade occurs or a sign-and-trade deal is verbally agreed on by the end of the month, I don’t care about LeBron until July 1^st; the day this hot commodity opens up on the market. The “Courting of the King” can really draw comparisons to the Jersey Shore craze of this past fall and even the hype Barak Obama received during his early campaigning for office. And if one can compare LeBron to the likes of “The Situation”, the lucky city that wins the King James Lottery will truly be given a direct gift from the basketball gods. But forget about LeBron for about 8-10 minutes. Because the NBA Draft thankfully has nothing to do with James (Well actually, it could. You never know). In fact, as the Washington Wizards imminent selection of John Wall is as highly expected as Michael Scott having thousands of friends on facebook, the basketball society has now turned its collective head towards the 76ers.

The owners of the number two overall pick can take pretty much anyone they want who’s entered in the draft. But sorry guys, the franchise cannot take Jackie Moon from Flint, Michigan with their pick. Now that experts are beginning to speculate a possible selection of Georgia Tech’s Derrick Favors, I think it’s time for someone to clearly explain to fans what the hell is going on in the 76ers delusional front office. The 76ers have yet to go through a successful trade deadline or offseason during Ed Stefanksi’s reign as GM, and it’s about time they had one. This summer is crucial for a team that has playoff hopes for next season, and we cannot afford to go through another disappointing summer. Without further ado, I present to you the first-ever 76er’s offseason To-Do List that will most likely result in a positive impact for today, tomorrow and the years to come:

1. Trade Two of the Following Players: Andre Iguodala, Elton Brand and Sammy Dalembert.

In all truthfulness, when I first came up with the idea for the “To-Do List”, I came up with this number one task 48 hours before the 76ers actually and FINALLY dealt Dalembert and his absolutely horrifying and nauseating contract. Too bad the Sacramento Kings weren’t looking to buy him last season (They only wanted him now because his repulsive contract expires after this season). So when I got my ESPNews update text message about the trade, my reaction process began not with me jubilantly jumping up and down, but me sulking in a corner because I couldn’t publicly predict he would be traded. Thus, I had to still include his name in the above task, in order to prove my sheer sports genius.

Anyway, the 76ers could do without all three of the above players in my opinion. For starters, a few years back, Sammy was one of the top-three highest paid centers in the League (only behind Shaq and Yao Ming). At his best during the 2007-2008, the 6’11 Haitian posted 10 points, 10 boards, and 2 blocks a game. Although that’s a pretty damn good stat line, Dalembert always seemed to lack the ability to rise to the occasion and have an “EFF YOU” moment against an opposing big man. Unfortunately and contrarily, Over his eight-year career, each season, month, and even game has provided me with multiple “You Stink Sammy!” moments. I remember the worst-ever YSS moment I’ve ever had came at home, against the Miami Heat during the 2005-2006 season, when Shaq rolled into town alongside Dwayne Wade. The team was on their way to the franchise’s first ever NBA championship, and the big guy was ready to eat “Slammin’ Sammy D”. O’Neal received a lob pass on the baseline, used his monstrous arm to clear out space, took one dribble, and stuffed the ball through the rim and into Dalembert’s forehead. That defensive lapse wasn’t all Sammy’s fault, and that was always his supporters’ excuse: It’s not Sammy’s fault. But whether he rightfully deserved the blame or not, Dalembert never exactly competed against the centers who made as much money (and sadly even the ones who didn’t make half as much) as him. The center was an offensive liability (only scoring consistently on ally-oops and driving dump-off passes), never wowed anyone from the line (career 69% shooter from the charity stripe), and was never shy to foul out of game and get caught goaltending. But with all the negatives that came with Dalembert, I could never hate him as much as I hate Andre Iguodala.

Now, you will only be saved a few more seconds to see how I truthfully hate Iguodala (See the #2 task on the TDL), but ever since the dreadful “Stefanski” summer, where the very man who the offseason is named after inked the two-worst-contracts-Philadelphia-sports-history, I’ve also dislike Elton Brand. At first, the guy who dramatically lied to his “best friend”, Baron Davis, and the team that he had known and loved, seemed very intriguing. Then, one injury into his time here in Philly, I was a little disappointed with his lack of rebounding and post defense. Now, two injuries and two disappointing seasons into it, I’m frankly pissed off. When healthy, Brand has the ability to be a 20 and 10 threat every night, and one of the top post players in the League. However as previously mentioned, Brand hasn’t been healthy, and he hasn’t posted numbers even close to what he’s capable of. Over the past 2 seasons, the Sixers have paid the former All-Star $15 million for 13 points and a little more than 7 rebounds a game: that’s not gonna cut it. If the club decided to part ways with the veteran right now, I wouldn’t be pleased, I would be elated.

The 76ers have some great young pieces in place with Jrue Holliday, Thaddeus Young, Spencer Hawes and maybe even Marreese Speights. And, veterans Jason Kapono and newly acquired Andres Nocioni are great bench and role players. The front office needs to look at and reevaluate their “star” players now. Iguodala and Brand are owed a combined $27 million dollars next season. Will either player make an All-Star team in the next two years? Probably not. Will either player lead any NBA team deep into the playoffs ever during the rest of their career? Definitely not. The only reason being this: neither player can ever be the best player on a championship-caliber team. The sooner Ed Stefanski and his band of dimwitted idiots realize that, the sooner the team will have a chance to get out of the first round of the playoffs (something they haven’t done since 2003).

2. Draft Evan Turner and NOBODY Else.

As you all hopefully know by now, I absolutely love creating, forming, and sharing conspiracy theories. This is why I love Evan Turner. While I do love Turner for his tantalizing ability to score and lead his troops to battle, I really love him for his imminent ability to challenge Andre Iguodala’s big-shot taking ability, leadership and flat-out basketball talent all without saying anything and letting his game speak for itself (something Iguodala has no idea exists). If you skipped the first task on the TDL because it was self-explanatory (of course I didn’t fail to mention Andre Iguodala’s, Elton Brand’s and Sammy Dalembert’s lack of ability to give Philly fans and ownership their money’s worth) I REALLY want the team to deal Iguodala. They should have done it when they had a chance to this past trade deadline. Obviously the front office finally realized Dalembert’s flaws, and it seems as if Doug Collins (who is suddenly as in love with Derrick Favors as Ron Burgundy is with Veronica Corningstone) has now realized that Elton Brand isn’t as he was advertised during the Stefanski summer. I promise you right now, drafting Evan Turner will reveal to the entire world the many weaknesses of Andre Iguodala.

So If I was on my hands and knees praying for the Phillies to keep Jayson Werth after this season, I don’t know how one can describe my wanting for the 76ers to take Evan Turner at Number 2. Think of this potential opening-night starting lineup for the Philadelphia 76ers in 2011: PG Jrue Holiday, SG (Rookie of the Year) Evan Turner, SF Thaddeus Young, PF Marreese Speights/Jason Smith, and C Spencer Hawes. That’s a quality young and gritty team. Now doesn’t that lineup look a lot nicer than this: PG Holiday, SG Andre Iguodala, SF, Thaddeus Young, PF Elton Brand, C Spencer Hawes? I don’t know about you, but I might have nightmares every night if the 76ers are still stuck with Brand and Iguodala for the next two years. But, I will be having fantasies if Evan turner is putting up Rookie-of-the-year-like numbers and in the running for the All-Star team in only his second year.

The point is, unlike Iguodala, Evan Turner has the ability to be the best player on any NBA Team that doesn’t have a player named Kobe Bryant, LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, or Carmelo Anthony. Turner may even have the ability to be a league MVP one day as well. NBA Draft experts are saying that it would make more sense chemistry-wise for the team to take Favors with their pick because of a possible issue between Turner and Iguodala. If you can’t tell by now, that’s exactly what I want to happen. I want Evan Turner to push all of Iguodala’s buttons. I want Evan Turner to flat out irritate Iguodala. I want Evan Turner to force Iguodala to demand a trade. I want Iguodala out of Philly, and Evan Turner is missing piece to the puzzle.

3. DO NOT Resign Allen Iverson

During this past decade, there were thousands of kids who grew up wanting to be the next Allen Iverson. I remember one of my best friends, Marc, freak out like a 10-year-old girl who just met the Jonas Brothers when he saw my dad bought me the new Reebok AI shoes in back during our days in Second Grade. I remember all of the hype when he led the team to the 2001 NBA Finals and the craziness that followed his “EFF YOU” step over Tyronn Lue in Game 1 of that series. I remember his return to Philly as a member of the Denver Nuggets and the five-minute-long standing ovation he received after being introduced in their starting lineup. I remember all the good times Iverson has brought to Philly and those are the only memories I want to have of him.

I was never AI’s biggest fan back in his glory days. In fact, I constantly hated on him for being a ball-hog and selfish. But, when anyone discussed anything about the 10-time All-Star, I always seemed to defend him. Like all of those thousands of kids who wanted to be the next AI, I felt a sense of attachment to the guy. I felt like he was MY player on MY team. And that’s probably why I don’t want to see a depleted version of this once-amazing player be crossed-up night in and night out by opposing young point guards (see Stuckey, Rodney 12/9/09). During this past season, it definitely seemed as if the less effective Iverson was, the less interested the entire team was in winning. And at the culmination of what seemed to be the end of his storied career, the entire team disappeared after Iverson left the team for gambling and other personal issues.

AI has always been the heart and soul of this team. As a leader and competitor, you don’t find many better than Iverson, and his passion for the game will never be questioned. However, the newly 35-year-old is still looking for a starting gig and 10-20 shots a night. At this stage in his career, Iverson should be looking to settle into a nice bench player’s role on a Championship-caliber team, with 15 minutes, 6-10 shots, and a few assists a game. Resigning AI will not dramatically increase attendance (as last year proved) and it will also be counterproductive with the “youth movement” the 76ers have with Holiday, Hawes, Young, as well as Smith, Speights and Lou Williams. It is sadly time to move on from the AI era in Philadelphia (Unless he wants to join his buddy Aaron McKie on the bench in the coach’s section). I’ll miss Iverson, but his time is up, and everyone needs to realize it.

First Task Left Off TDL: Make LOUU Williams Accept His Bench Role

Honorable Mention Tasks: Package Louuu In A Deal With Iguodala or Brand, Do Whatever is Necessary To Lower The Salary Cap, Keep all Big Men Healthy.

Ridiculous Task That Couldn’t Be Written Without Making Someone Angry: Keep A List of Available GM’s Close and a Phone Closer

Yes, I don’t like Ed Stefanski. But he has made two good moves during his tenure as General Manager. The first came with his selection of Jrue Holiday in last year’s draft with the 17^th Overall Pick, and trading Sammy D. Both moves cannot redeem him for the two-worst-contracts-in-Philadelphia-sports-history, but it’s a start. Hopefully, Stefanski will continue his streak of smart and sensible decisions by taking Turner at Number 2. The only possible way I could ever forgive him for not taking Turner, would be if the 76ers dealt the pick for a nice young player and stayed in the top-5 picks. A trade consisting of oh, I don’t know, Minnesota’s Kevin Love and the Number 4 Overall Pick in exchange for Number 2. With that, the Sixers cannot pass Number 4 without taking either Favors or Wesley Johnson. However, Wesley Johnson’s game is an awful lot like Thaddeus Young’s and that’s a lot of money to pay an unproven rookie to come off the bench. If Favors isn’t there, I would honestly like to see the team take a chance on DeMarcus Cousins. That is very highly unlikely, but hey, I will take a frontcourt of Cousins-Hawes for 10 years. The 76ers pick will definitely set the tone for the rest of the draft and John Wall’s fate is really the only thing predetermined for the lottery. The 76ers have a chance to dramatically change their franchise and push them forward on a positive note. With tomorrow’s draft comes a lot of possibilities, let’s just hope the realities play out in our favor.